I will try to edit this so it is as coherent as possible but my brain is all over the place with this subject. I'll try to keep the rabbit trails to a minimum.

TLDR: wife loves our sex and everything we do, but won't initiate anything and this is my rant about being exasperated about it.

I, 38M, I'm getting exceedingly exhausted with my wife's (35F) (fill in the blank for yourself because I can't find the right word) in our sex life. I cannot call it disinterest or even a lack of enthusiasm because we really do have a great sex life, at least in terms of frequency and enjoyment. We are a lucky couple in the fact that I can bring her to climax in multiple ways, multiple times, and during sex we almost always climax together.

In our younger days, frequency would range from three to four times a day up to seven to eight on occasion. I work out of town and my time at home is open for whatever I choose to do, so we can have a lot of free time.

She's almost always up for sex unless we're both too tired from a long day or for some outside circumstances, which I am completely understanding of and totally okay with.

My issue comes from multiple angles and it seems like I can only sum it up with her being lazy. And I'm not sure that's even the right way to explain it, but I essentially do all the work. I do all the loving caresses and touches throughout the day (that she likes). I make 90 to 95% of the innuendos. And I have to initiate 95 to 98% of the time.

Yes, she touches me, but it's more like old married couple touches. Like simple hugs and petting my head or maybe nuzzling my face into her bosom. And she smacks my butt, but that's more just muscle memory anymore, like a knee-jerk reaction when I walk by.

Maybe it's more selfishness. I'm extremely conscientious and considerate of other people's time and needs. I always try to be very efficient in my tasks in life in general. On the other hand, my wife can stand around killing time on her phone or talking when a common sense approach would say that there are things that need to be done so when I arrive we can get on to our task at hand or our itinerary. But generally when I show up, then we all have to wait for me to do something that I thought was pretty self-explanatory and should have been done before I arrived.

This is one of those rabbit trails that only gives a snippet into our lives. It would take entirely too much time to explain where I'm at in my head or how all these things interconnect.

So back on point. I love cunniligus. I would perform it all day, every day if it weren't for risk of suffocating myself, drowning in squirt, or putting a severe kink in my neck muscles. And I suppose there's this thing where I actually have to drink water and eat food to survive. On the other hand, she says that she loves to go down on me and she talks about how aroused she gets, but then she never does it. So when I eat her, she gets so ready for sex that she just wants sex and doesn't reciprocate. But she also won't initiate anything and do it first. I honestly get tired of asking for it. And on the rare occasions that she does it, it's only enough to make me realize how much I love the feeling and then she's ready for sex. It's like she really only does it to get my member wet and then I'm expected to perform.

And then we get to the actual act of sex. It's wonderful, it's amazing. She's tight and usually wet and even when she's not she still loves it when I force it in. She'll get moist right after and it will be nice friction and we enjoy all of it still. I'm endowed above average length and girth and from my fairly modest experiences, I have been told that I know what I'm doing. She loves it deep, and sometimes hard or slow, fast or easy and like I mentioned we usually climax together probably upwards of ninety percent of the time or more.

But again, she never initiates anything. She doesn't do any of the work. Usually when she does initiate, it's still me performing. It's tiring, physically and emotionally. Again, when she does do some work (i.e. ride me or grind me in the shower), she talks about how much she loves it and how she should do it more often. And I enthusiastically agree with her, verbally, and yet it still doesn't happen.

She'll complain about how her knees hurt or her back hurts or how her hips hurt trying to be in various positions for too long ( and we're talkin about a couple to 5 minutes max). She'll want to switch positions, inevitably to something where I'm doing the work.

She's like a pillow princess, but not. And I just don't know what to do. And please don't say that we need to talk about it. We communicate. We've communicated so much about this. I've talked, we've argued, we've talked, we've fought, I've cried. She's said that she'll get better so many times. A couple of times she's even tried, but after a couple of weeks we fall right back into the same rut. And it's just a vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself. For a majority of the last 15 years.

We have not gone to see a counselor, I guess we're both too stubborn. Divorce is not an option, it's not even a thought. I've vowed that I'll never be a statistic. Relationships don't last because they're easy, they're hard. And if you want them to last, you have to keep it, fight for it, work for it.

I know I'm not perfect, I understand that there's things that I need to change myself, and I'm working on that. But she admits that she seen me change over the years. It just sometimes feels like I'm the only one working at it. In my tears I'll beg for more. And in tears of understanding and remorse, she will promise to work at fulfilling my needs. And every time, I'm left with empty promises. And it hurts. And then I'll feel, like now, that I'm the one being selfish.

I know there's people here that have bigger problems, that mine seem probably petty. I know there's people out there that don't get sex at all, or that their spouses are cheating on them, or any number of other issues that make mine pale in comparison. And if you're any of those people reading this, I'm certainly not trying to impede or belittle your issues. But this is important to me and the problems that I have in relation to my high sex drive.

Not sure what else to add, although there are mountains of instances to give, it's like there's also nothing else because it's just going to be repetition.