My partner (41m) and I (38m) have been dating since July 2021. When we first started dating we were very physically intimate. We usually had sex every time we went on a date, and multiple times across weekends we would spend together.

In/around March 2022, our physical intimacy kind of rapidly declined. We moved in together in June 2022. Living together our physical intimacy basically became almost non-existent.

My partner says this is because of issues he had with intimacy around being sexually abused as a child. He was raped 200 times by his nanny from the time he was 4 until he was about 7. So, I have been very patient and understanding.

However, I’m really at a loss. Because, when I’m cleaning the house, in his office, I will find socks and paper towels that he has used to clean himself up after masturbating. I’ve tried talking to him about this and he says that masturbation is just easier than physical intimacy with me. But, it keeps happening. So it really feels like he’d rather masturbate to whatever porn he watches than actually touch me. We don’t kiss often, and we almost never have sex now. On a good day, I get one hug and roughly 3 minutes of cuddling each day.

Is this him? Is this his trauma? Is it me? Is it both? I’m just lost.