I'm an SA survivor myself so I do understand quite a bit. I've been doing therapy for almost a decade, I have a decent amount of tools at my disposal but I'm better when it comes to me. I can deal, get my head around all the times this has happened to me... I'm having a lot of trouble with this one.

My current and definitely final partner met in Sept of last year, despite our mutual friends attempts to put us together in 2021.. rather, he didn't mention me til Feb 2022 but that's not too important. Anyway, she lived 2 hours away so we texted, a lot. Almost every day. Good morning, good night etc. She tried flirting but as I had spent 2.5 years completely alone, I didn't really bite but texted just the same as I had developed some serious trust issues. It really did go so well, I eventually asked her out on New Years last year, our first date was Jan 7th.

Over the past year, I've picked up parts and snippets. She was into the lifestyle (swingers, polyamory etc) as a "unicorn" and a secondary only. Bear in mind, I didn't know about any of this until more recently. She had her last meet up with a married guy on Dec 28th 2022 - this was never communicated to me until July 2023,and only because I asked directly. It hurt but not insurmountable. I started adding up previous conversations. She wanted me to degrade and objectify her at first, it was too early, I wasn't down. I just did what I do, I was already falling for this wonderful person. I mean, I don't mind indulging in a person's kinks but this to me seemed fast and early. Add to that, other details and things that would come to light. There were many times I asked things early on and I'd learn later they weren't truthful replies. So... turns out this last time, the guy anally abused her "2 or 3 times" - her words. It was a horrible situation and encounter. She was done with that secondary relationship, which had lasted for nearly 2 years. He knew it, as she said so... probably also because she was talking to me. He took that as an opportunity to hurt her so bad she'll need surgery. I noticed the damage our first time and refused anything anal afterwards because I have some experience and what I saw looked really bad.

Now that I know what I know, I've done the leg work to get her into specialized counseling. I'm also on my 12th session with my current counselor as a result. She hasn't followed up as much... I'm concerned as I know with my SA experiences, ignoring them just cause them to rear up later and there already has been a few moments of triggers for her. I did handle those well but I don't see this making the long term of she doesn't face this, yet I can't make her.

On my end, I also contacted friends in those groups and advised them that this person is unsafe.

What do I do from here? I hope I didn't miss anything... oh, 100% she's had other moments with others over the past 5 years... not as bad but there's a lot of work to be done.

I love her more than anything, she's just the best person ever... which makes me angrier that anyone could hurt her like this. I just need some guidance.... anyone?