OK, the market is crowded and you're tired of reading posts.  I feel you, but it is your lucky day!    

I am finally on the market and I am actively looking for love.  Better hurry and snatch me up (I know I am a catch, and, like you, I am worn out trying to find somebody decent. I can’t take it much longer, so I hope you take advantage of this limited time offer.)!  

Am I and is this post right for you? Answer these rhetorical questions:

1. Do you desire chemistry, strong connection, laughs, flirts, excitement, and fascination leading to passionate love?   2. Do you need some not-so-serious, stress-relieving stimulation (with thought provoking conversations mixed in) that isn't serious, but still meaningful?   3. Do you want fun, flirty interactions that take your mind off the monotony and onto the mind-blowing?     4.  Are you looking to avoid another lame-o, dead-beat guy who flakes, bores you, ghosts, or is just like talking to a brick wall?    

If you answered “yes” to any of those, here are the traits that I think will help recreate the magic:       About you:  

• Emotionally available  
• Age isn't as important as chemistry and brain-age, but let’s roughly say between 22 and 48.  
• Of sound mind with a well-working brain.  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!  Be mentally awake and entertaining.
• Physically fit (I am healthy and healthy people are attractive to me, but you do NOT need a gym body. Mom's are fine, folks!)  
• Conventionally attractive (this can mean a lot of things!  Sometimes brains are the main feature of attraction, so don't be shy!)      

About Me (Your needs and/or wants in a man):  

• Emotionally available  
• Of sound mind with a well-working brain; also entertaining  
• Married  
• Successful in life, well-traveled, well-educated, and respected at and outside of work  
• Tall, dark, handsome (conventionally attractive but not a Ralph Lauren model)  
• Physically fit (I'm fit, but not gym rat style).
• Well-above average grammar skills. Sorry to disappoint—no, you are not going to get me “sliding into your DMs” telling you how you “s0und hawt n im h0rny bby so hit me up  n s3nd nUdz cuz im tryna link uP bb dm me hit me up” with an attached dick pic in front of a dirty mirror.  

In my fantasy world, I have a lover who is an amazing friend, flirt, and fwb, and someone who I admire. Someone to bring that passionate love again.  You know, the kind when you're excited to check your messages every morning?  

This isn’t my first rodeo, and if there was an anonymous Yelp for Lovers and Dating Encounters, I would get five star reviews with exciting success stories of falling in love.  Ah, such a shame one of my old success stories is now deleted!  

Again—I can’t take this much longer hurry before I take this post down and quit Reddit altogether.  

Please prove me wrong, Reddit, and fast! Limited time offer!  Message me!