Intro: I (25F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for three years (mid-2021).

Our relationship has been far from perfect, I came from an abusive relationship and was already really low in my standards so I am willing to deal with a lot more bullshit than the typical female. When we first got together he didn't look at me at all for a relationship just someone to warm his bed (this was fine as I wasn't either but the more I spent time with him the more fell for him, it took me 3 months and it certainly took him longer than that). He had issues with over-sexualizing other women (he had a folder named "spank bank" on INSTAGRAM, and most of the girls were friends of friends or just girls from school in bikinis mostly), he had issues with holding onto his past (wanting to keep all pictures from his past girlfriends, intends to continue to stay in touch with them, got upset when one of them blocked him and reached out to her asking why as it "hurt his feelings"), when he gets too drunk he used to foam at the mouth over other women TO ME! I'm sure there are others but I hope you get the point.

Most of these things have been worked on, but he struggles like the rest of us. He comes from a very toxic, controlling, and abusive environment and was sheltered until he went to college. He didn't have a girlfriend until he went- I'm not giving excuses for him, there's simply cause and effect happening here and he has never really had someone tell him no. HOWEVER, he is very caring and has taken care of me among other things so please don't think I'm trying to paint him as an evil person.

Now that I have given SOME context I'll get into the situation...

All of this happened mid-2020, he had been kicked out of school for the lockdown only a couple of months into his freshman year (he was at his dream. school doing something he's been living for his whole life) so that was already crushing. Due to similar situations I gave above he had recently been broken up with, and mixed with all the other emotions he began drinking heavily (his mother is an alcoholic and happily supplied him with anything he wanted). Nothing good ever happens when you're depressed, lonely, and drunk. That's when he became disgustingly desperate, that's when he started contacting onlyfans models to have sex with him. He contacted multiple women asking for prices and where they could meet. He even got a background check for one of them, and had the time and place all figured out. He never went through with it, didn't have the guts. Despite him not following through I cannot help but feel icky about the whole thing. I can't help but feel like I was just a cheaper version for him as we got together SHORTLY after he had a bad experience with another woman. Almost like it was his revenge. We have talked many times about the early days in the relationship and he has expressed deep regret, he has shown me in many ways that he is trying but it's not perfect. He's human so I ask you to give some grace when reading this, believe me, I have given him "tough love" and he knows exactly how I feel and why I feel that way.

Anyway, this all feels so jumbled but I am just trying my best, I don't know what to think of all this. Most of these are just how he's made me feel, everything is far more complicated than this and it would take far too long to explain every single detail, please ask any questions if you need clarification.

Summary: I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years tried soliciting sex in 2020 (a year before we met) and due to other issues we have had I am feeling very confused and hurt. I love him and I want to spend my life with him but I just don't know how to go about all of this. He needs help and he's never gotten it before me as he can't receive official help because they would take his career away. He wants to seek help and is planning to when he is finally making good money to pay out-of-pocket.