Hi everyone, I am having a rough time navigating my emotions with my situation because it sucks. This is a bit of a longer post so thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I (24M) have been dating my girlfriend (34F) for about a year. She is a wonderful woman and there is a lot of love between us. I know she has my back and she cares about me. This is why me having these feelings makes me upset and I don’t know what to do.

My girlfriend has been a bit depressed since i met her. She is an immigrant struggling to get her PR. I thought that things would get better in terms of the mood and I loved the person she was that the sadness didn’t get to me.

We have had many good times, but also we have had a lot of very negative and rough times. It almost feels like there is regularly some sort of fight between us (no one sided both at fault for different reasons) or some bullshit happens that is out of our control and puts strain on the relationship. We have worked through it all and have still stay committed to this day, but recently my feelings are starting to change a lot.

I made a personal decision to go to school next year because a career didn’t work out, so I quit that job and am working something else in the meantime trying to save up. This new position now makes it harder for me to see her conveniently, and I am also working around 50 hours a week. I feel this is where issues I thought were no problem started to become more significant. For starters I feel like I have to lead everything. We do not have great conversational chemistry at all, and now that we don’t see each other much it can be very stale to talk to her. I have brought this up before to which she said she can’t do anything about it, shes mot a talkative person and English is not her first language, which I don’t accept because she is more than capable to speak and hold a conversation.

I also am the one that is always driving to her because she doesn’t have a car, I try to make things as fun as possible I take her to places but we both don’t have the best income (especially her) so our options are limited. It gets tiring being the one always trying to plan or always having to be the one to travel to her. There are days we plan and after a long day of work gym I don’t feel like having to drive an extra half hour one way. Our work schedules do not match either and she works weekends when I don’t.

The sadness is also starting to get to me. She will be happy around me but I know that she is always unhappy deep down, and her father passed away a few weeks ago which has really made things bad for her. I have been there tor her and am trying my best to support her and make her feel better, and it makes me feel like an AH when I am feeling like this. She says things like “I will never be happy again” and I know part of it is from the sheer emotional stress she is going through but part of me can’t help but be bothered by hearing this multiple times. It also doesn’t help that we have had many really stressful situations and they are starting to wear on me.

I just worry that if these issues persist, once I am in school theres no way I would be happy in the relationship. I try really hard to be a good partner but I am realizing I have my needs too and my desire is growing more each day. The thing is she has done a lot for me emotionally and has been there for me in my darker times, and I really feel loved by her. I need to talk to her but she is grieving and I do not want to add this in when she is already going through a hard time. Really need some advice, and ask any questions you have. Thank you.