Okay, so I (35M) messaged this girl (29F, I’ll call her Julie) mid-July on a social media platform. We instantly hit it off and hung out within the week. Hung out 5 times over the next 3 weeks.

The thing is that I’m recently separated. At the time of us first hanging out it had only been a few weeks since my separation. My ex and I are separating amicably, but it’s still a whole process. We just grew way too distant and have both been checked out of our relationship for a long time. At first I didn’t tell Julie because I thought it was just going to be a fling. I know it was wrong but I was justifying it in my head because I was afraid that Julie wouldn’t want to hang out if she knew that I was in a situation that was going to take a while to resolve. I’ve learned my lesson since, I promise. Well… I was obviously wrong about how deep our relationship was going to go.

I knew I loved her on the second date. It was magical. A magnetic attraction that both of us could feel and see. We had so much in common that it was actually sort of weird: same eclectic musical taste, same favorite foods and drinks, same taste in video games (we bonded over Mario Kart and of course had the same favorite character), same sense of humor and wit, she could make me smile with just a look… her children were even very close to the same age as mine. She is so insanely beautiful and probably the most “my type” woman I’ve ever known personally. The physical attraction was crazy, of course, but it wasn’t just that. It felt like we just got each other. On the third date we said “I love you” and the love we made after that was out of this world.

Well, after I realized that the feelings were real, I knew I had to tell her my full situation. I told her on our 4th date how I was recently separated. She didn’t take it well and I understand why. I wasn’t upfront about everything and she didn’t have a chance to make a fully informed decision. That date was cut short and she was a bit distant after that. We did reconcile after talking a bit and we did wind up hanging a fifth time. I stayed the night but had to leave unexpectedly early the next morning to go check on my kids who were with my ex (long story for another day)

After that, she hasn’t agreed to hang out at all. I feel like she thinks that my ex and I are going to get back together (we aren’t and we both agree). She has said things like “she wants to be friends until I get things figured out” and “she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for us to be involved right now” and “she wants to take things slow and work towards hanging out again.” If she’s not just saying that to let me down easy then I completely understand… I’ve realized recently that I should just work on myself and not jump into anything (currently working on entering myself into therapy).

But, I’m so worried that she’s just saying those things to let me down easy. She’s distanced herself and sometimes didn’t reply to my texts at all (especially if I mention hanging out).

She told me that she thought she had found the one. She said the way I make her feel is crazy. She said I was perfect and that she secretly had thoughts of forever with me. I feel the exact same. I feel like we are almost destined to be together and I don’t want to ruin it. I told her I didn’t want to be just friends and I went No Contact… it’s been 8 days since any contact between us.

I guess I just want some insight as to whether I’m handling this situation correctly or not. If she wants space I’m trying to give it to her. Is she just saying things at this point to let me down easy? Or does she genuinely want to try something when I’m through with the divorce? I just don’t know and don’t want to do something stupid to mess it up permanently. What should I do?