To be honest I'm not even sure how to describe this situation. A few months ago, I went out on a date with K (29M). We really hit it off. The chemistry was insane. We both felt really comfortable. Really interesting conversations and just a lot of compatibility.

But I'm in a bit of a bind. I have a lot of anxiety and insecurities surrounding relationships (both platonic and romantic). Trivial things like feeling lonely at night or having a meetup that got cancelled will send me into an anxiety spiral where I get all existential and cry a ton and devolve into big feelings about my self-worth and lovability and all that. I can end up hyperventilating or crying for hours sometimes.

Now K can't be in a relationship right now. And it's not like a stupid excuse or anything. It's super valid. He fell into some substance abuse/addiction stuff during the pandemic and he's working on sobriety and rebuilding his life. He says he knows himself and when he's in a relationship he's very invested and involved and he is unable to do that at the moment. Totally fair right? Mature decision for sure.

I knew he was in recovery mode, but initially I didn't know he wasn't willing to have a relationship. When he told me, I broke down for a couple days. Then I told him that I couldn't do casual as I had already developed some feelings for him and those feelings were making my anxiety and all that really hard to handle. We stopped talking for a few weeks, but I drunk texted and deleted about a week ago.

He called me up after seeing I had said something but deleted it. And now we're gonna try. He says that we can't make the perfect the enemy of the good. And maybe he's right. I really like the connection. I missed him. He also has feelings for me (albeit he is more emotionally stable than me and doesn't have the struggle I have with the thought spirals etc).

But I am completely at a loss as to how to approach this. I don't know how to have a casual relationship. Especially with someone I like. I had one FWB in the past, but the only reason that worked is because I knew I didn't want a relationship with him. Heck, I've never even been in a serious relationship before. I'm relatively new to dating in general (grew up in a very controlling religious environment...left a few years ago).

I don't know what boundaries to set. I don't know how to not fall into maladaptive daydreaming. Since I struggle with loneliness in general, when I'm feeling alone in my bed every night...of course I think of him. I don't know how NOT to.

Maybe the solution is that I shouldn't be dating at all. But I kinda reject the idea that I'm not worthy of emotional connection and companionship because I'm not perfect. Many people like me have found happiness in dating.

Maybe I just shouldn't be dating him. But honestly, I've never felt this type of connection before. It's rare. I don't want to give it up. He also says that when he feels like he's in a better place, he'd want a relationship with me. He thinks we'd make a good team. I do too. That's why I'm willing to give it a try. But I don't know how to. Any advice?