I'm 19, FTM (female to male, transgender), and I am an absolute top. I like men, but I'm mostly attracted to women, yet I can't shake this fantasy I have.

I want a man to be at mine, or me at his. He would completely undress me, tying my legs apart and my hands above my head. I haven't had top or bottom surgery yet (I've been on testosterone for years), but I will eventually get both, so I think it's a "experience it once while I have the chance" kink. I always pass because I look like a cis male, and my body looks masculine...asides from my chest and hole.

I hate having my chest touched, so I would want his hands all over it, twisting my nipples and licking them, leaving them wet but me unable to dry them with my hands trapped.

I never want anyone inside my pussy because it causes dysphoria and I never use it, so it hurts. I hate that it gets wet when I jerk off. But, I want him to force his cock inside of it, moving in and out against my control and forcing me to feel good from it, cumming against him. Whenever I cum, I immediately want to stop being stimulated, but he would keep going. This is when I know I'd ask him, beg him, to stop, but being tied down, he would use me until he was satisfied.

He might use my ass too, lubed or not, making me feel that raw pain.

I love strange objects being inserted into pussies (as long as it's not dangerous), so he would get the world's revenge and force the same into me. He would fist me and stretch my pussy until I was crying in pain. The bigger he can stretch me, the more he wins over me.

He would record me for private viewing, knowing he could see what he did to me again at any time. Maybe he'd even send it to me to prove how much of a slut I was for him.

My biggest fear is being cummed directly into because I couldn't imagine anything worse than even the slightest risk of pregnancy. Before he cums, he would take the condom off so that I could see it. Fear would overwhelm me and I would beg him not to, however he'd fill me up and leave me dripping.

To finish off, he might even untie me, if he's still not done, and have me lie down in the bath so that he could piss into my pussy, showing me my real worth and forcing me to feel the true use of my useless pussy.

I would redress, wiping my eyes and feeling so much pain, and pretend as though my nightmare, and most hidden fetish, never happened.

DMs open but I probably won't be quick to reply. Misgendering allowed but ONLY in this fetish's context. Multiple men welcomed.