So, I need to preface this by saying I only know what I've been told. Well, the first bits, at least.

I've been to a bunch of psychologists and therapists over my lifetime, (I'm 36m). Mostly for issues connected to sexual confusion. All of them, every single one of them, agrees that I was raped within my first 2 years of life. They said that they had seen enough that they were completely sure, (and we're talking about, like, 7 different professionals). And that's a big enough thing, but I remember when I was little, I mean REALLY little, like 4, being taken to a therapist. I don't remember anything about it, just going to a 'talking doctor'. Years later, my mom says 'it was so weird, it was like you just knew what to say'.

To me, this SCREAMS red flag. To me, this sounds like a coached kid, and the fact that 3 adults in the room didn't see that, including a trained professional, is mind boggling to me. And at least 2 of them should have had a compelling interest in finding the truth. I think it was my adoptive dad. And I at least suspect that my mom knew.

She knew he was abusive as hell, I know that. Because there were more than one occasion where he would be physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive, to me (5 or 6 years old), IN FRONT OF HER. No, she never did anything about this. Well, she kicked him out...for about 5 months...12 years later.

Neither my brother nor my sister ever experienced anything from either of my parents. And I was expected to simply grow up normal. Despite everything. And now, as I'm coming to this realization, I'm starting to wonder what the hell was wrong with me... Not that I blame myself for being raped.

It's happened to me from 2 male family members. I was sexually assaulted at work when I was 15. I was beaten by multiple family members as well, and now I just feel so incredibly fucked up. And I don't know what to do to feel ok. By every metric, I simply feel broken.