Hi Reddit,

This is long, so stay with me.

I've got a birthday coming up next month. I'm going to be 44. I'm fine with getting older. I've come to grips that my life has shifting from the carefree days of a Dandy Warhols music video into a Zach Braff movie, you know what I mean; creeping ennui but with a really good soundtrack.

The reality is my birthdays have just been bad recently.

2019 - Went on vacation got picked up a stomach bug.

2020 - Pandemic birthday 1

2021 - Pandemic birthday 2 also a ceiling collapsed on me.

2022 - Went on vacation. Picked up a horrific stomach bug. It was really bad, brief hospital stay when I got home. 3 rounds of antibiotics.

2023 - I was going through a heart wrenching break up and then my birthday plans fell through because friends got covid. It was a bad scene.

This year I figure let's see if I can open it up. Make it a good one. Maybe beat my best birthday, but let's aim low just see if we can do better than the last few (it shouldn't be to difficult).

My actual birthday is Thanksgiving weekend, so I'm celebrating the weekend after, plan taking a few extra days off. I'm thinking 17th to the 20th (maybe 21st too).

These are list of things that I will definitely do in that time period.

• Go out for brunch
• Order pizza from Tony & Nicks (specifically the party pizza, it will most likely have pineapple & pepperoni, so you need to down for that)
• Drink whiskey
• Binge watch a thing
• Eat a cake
• Drink some really good chocolate milk

I can do all those things by myself, but would like some company.

These are things that I would like to do, and need some help with.

• Grab some butt
• Grab some more butt
• Have some cuddle time
• Go out for Korean BBQ
• Sexy times
• Go to the Claw Machine Arcade
• Karaoke

Some of these can be combined. Butt grabbing & cake eating. Binge watching & pizza. Some don't work well together, like Korean BBQ & sexy times. I don't know how sexually liberal the average Korean business owner is, so it will probably just get us banned.

I'm open to other suggestions. If you have ideas, let me know.

I'm 43 turning 44 (as previously covered) Just standard chubby bearded dude, in the bear category. Strong hands, excellent for gripping. I like brunch and grabbing butts (also covered). I enjoy cooking, music, making coffee for people. I am alcohol & 420 friendly (I don't 420, it messes with my meds). I am left wing, single, child free (had my vasectomy years ago), DDF (recently tested) & GGG. I live alone in the Queen west area, it is a shoe box. Special skills include baking scones, performing oral sex, using an emery board and knowing the lyrics to the 1968 Broadway musical Hair.

I have no preference for body type or background. There has been no consistency in my dating history. The key factor is you want to celebrate my birthday and would like your butt grabbed by a chubby bearded man with strong hands.

TLDR : it is my birthday soon, let's get brunch, then eat cake and I'll grab your butt.

And as always no cops or zionists.