34 year old gay asian. husband passed away in 2023. i don't think i'm really interested in sex anymore. i've used everything from hinge to grindr since then but eventually get disgusted at the idea of swallowing a stranger's dick, so i've just been celibate for 2 years. every day i take PreP i ask myself, "why am i even doing this anymore?"
sometimes i feel like a stereotype. asian married to white man twice my age. then i remember, "oh, not married anymore." and when i was 25 when i got married, I guess I was okay with it, I even though it as cool. but in my mid-30s, i'm suddenly embarrassed.
i've got a good circle of friends but i'm tired of being the unpaired extra at gatherings and the third wheel for activities. some things i'm learning to just do alone. eating at the bar? cool, i can make small talk with the bartender. but going to the movies? no one to talk about the movies with. started going to the gym again this year and it sucks not having someone to just spot me and having to ask random strangers, 90% of whom suck at spotting.
not sure what i'm even looking for at this point. maybe i just want someone to go watch beetlejuice 2 with. maybe this should be a M4R post because i haven't had a female bestie since i was in college.
also, i've been sober for a year so no drugs or alcohol please.
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