I was recently introduced to magic mushrooms as a way of helping me with my depression. It's not something I talk about openly with people for several reasons.

My initial experimentation with magic mushrooms was 3.5g made into a tea. The mushrooms that I took were Golden Teacher. I guess they're considered a good starter mushroom for people who have never taken them before.

The experience was pleasant, and I experienced the psychedelic effects of psilocybin to a degree. Colours were brighter, and music sounded great, but I didn't feel as if I'd truly entered my mind. As I told my friend at the time, I felt as if I had peeked into the room, but not entered it. The overall experience was positive and I decided that I would experiment with it again.

The second time I did it, I did the same mushroom and the same dosage, but instead of making a tea, I ate them raw with some lemon juice on them. The effects were noticeably more intense and I felt as If I had at least stepped into the room. Again, I didn't feel as if I'd fully experienced the full effects of what I was trying to achieve. The day after, I actually felt super depressed and was somewhat disappointed that it wasn't working for me. Again, I was with my friend who was there to guide me.

The third time I took mushrooms, I was on my own. Again, it was Golden Teacher, but this time I doubled the dose to 7g and ate them raw with no lemon juice. Magic Mushrooms do not taste good at all I can tell you. I almost vomited a couple of times whilst ingesting them.

I got comfortable and waited for the effects to kick in. I should add that I added a light to the room that projected different colours onto the walls to enhance the experience. I had high hopes that doubling the dose would get me fully immersed in the experience, but I think that I pulled myself out of the experience because my music just wasn't right and it felt like the previous trip. I will say that the colours and patterns were intense and dreamlike. The floor seemed to pulsate to some unknown rhythm which I found to be pleasant.

So, on to the fourth experience. I decided to make a new playlist for this trip and tried a different variety of mushrooms called Penis Envy. Again, the dosage was 7g and I put lemon juice on them to try and mask the flavour. At the time, I didn't know that the lemon juice made the mushrooms more potent. I washed them down with water and got comfortable.

As soon as I started to feel the effects, which came on rather quickly, I put my earphones in and started my playlist. I felt a warmth come over me and the effects were very intense. The patterns I was seeing were amazing. This was it, I was going into my own brain for sure this time.

The experience was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I felt as if I was sinking into my pillows and they were embracing me in a gentle hug. I remember looking out of the window and there being an electronic billboard that I was certain was giving me messages. I should explain the images that were on the billboard:

• Lunar New Year
• Rod Stewart
• Blink-182
• Wicked
• Free Wifi

I'd convinced myself that the Free WiFi image was the future saying yes to me. Everytime I asked a question, the Free WiFi image came up. Whenever I felt it was playing a trick on me, Rod Stewart was there, winking at me. We'll get back to this later.

I felt as if I'd lived my life a billion times before, but following different branches if you will, to different outcomes. Or that I learned something new in each lifetime that allowed me to progress onto the next level.

At one point, I was so deep into my pillows that I thought I was injured, as I could not move. I thought I was in one of those stretchers that stop you from moving when you've broken your neck and bones. I was sweating and convinced myself it was blood, and the lights that I could see were the emergency services. There were voices too, which I thought were paramedics talking to me, but I couldn't see them.  

Was this the universe telling me that I was dying and the euphoria I was feeling was my life flashing before my eyes? They say your life flashes before you, so I was convinced that it was what was going on. That I was actually just watching my life, but in reverse.

Now, back to that billboard. I honestly don't know if this was a coincidence, but it seemed to real to be a coincidence. Yellow was a very prominent colour for me. Yellow cars would pass by the window in a sea of black or white cars. The train had yellow stripes on it. The Lunar New Year sign had yellow writing and my box of tissues was yellow. So, I took that to be a sign. Whenever a car was going too fast, I'd ask if I was going to fast, and the sign would change to the Free WiFi image (meaning yes). If a car was changing lanes, I'd ask if I was meant to be on a different path, and Rod Stewart would wink at me. Which I took for me being on the right line of questioning.

My friend told me before I started my trip that he hoped I'd have an epiphany. So when I was on my trip, I thought of this and took all these signs to mean that I was having a spiritual moment. I asked if my friend was from the future, and there was Rod Stewart, winking at me. So I'm convinced that my friend is from the future and a monk who's here to protect me and guide me through life.

I'm trying to recall how I felt after that trip. I remember being annoyed that I didn't have anyone to share it with. To share that I felt as if I'd made progress, not only with tripping but with understanding myself better. But that was a lesson in and of itself. That I have to slow down and not live my life at a billion miles an hour. That I need to take notice of the beauty that surrounds me on a daily basis.

It's a wondrous and magnificent planet that we live on, and we take it for granted. We don't allow ourselves, in the rush of the rat race, to stop... to breathe... to take it all in... It's gone in the blink of an eye. We are but a speck of dust floating on the wind. We need to pause and reflect. Reflect on what we have, what we are grateful for, for our friends and for our family.

I don't believe in god or gods, and I consider myself to be an atheist. But I have to concede, or at least entertain the notion, that there is something more than us out there. The universe is an awfully big place to be alone in.

I feel that I've lived many, many lives over many, many aeons and there's a singular connection that I always keep coming back to. Or, that keeps coming up, whether that be in visions, in person, by voice, by email or by text. I can't explain it, all I can do is see where it takes me, but I feel it in my soul that we are meant to be together.

It's too much of a coincidence that it keeps occurring, right?

I've taken mushrooms again, and I believe that I have a deeper understanding of myself than I did before. My happiness levels are definitely on the right track. I'm reminded of, I believe it's Buddha's ladder, or at least Buddha's teachings that in order to ascend to a different plane of being, you must do good in this life, you must help others, and you must put others before yourself in order to move up a rung on the ladder.

More than ever, I believe that this is true. There is so much more to life than just surviving. People need to actually live a life and not be governed by paying the bills. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be and it'll work out as it should.

If it doesn't work, then that's ok too. Everybody fails. It's how we grow and develop. A baby needs to learn to feed by itself, needs to learn how to walk, talk, and I guess make decisions. I don't know, because I'm assuming that I'm not quite there yet in this lifetime to know the answer to that question.

There's so much to understand and figure out. Every trip brings with it a new challenge and new wonders to explore. I'm entertaining the possibility that I am able to travel between these different lives freely, once I've figured out how to do it, but again the universe is telling me that I need to slow down, appreciate what's around me, that life is worth living. I believe that the key to planeial travel is music and repeating patterns.

Again, I'm seeing coincidences that are just too impossible to ignore. But I'm taking baby steps, and that's a good thing. I'm working on fixing me and that can only be a good thing.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.