This is from a comment I made on one of my posts: "I'm also recognizing our codependent traits and grateful that we have the safe foundation to discuss them, accept them, and change them as we see it satisfies our growth."

Before I started dating my current primary partner, I've had a long history of codependency. Prior to polyamory, those relationships were even more co-dependent.

I've been openly polyamorous for 8 years now, my life changed when I made the declaration to be polyamorous. The biggest shift I noticed was that I got to be myself no matter what...

A lot of people didn't like this, by people I mean friends and family. Most of them don't talk to me anymore. I got to recreate myself by the freedom they created when they left!

But those wounds never really healed, and although I wanted something more, I didn't even have the ability to self-regulate.

Instead of being co-dependent, I became counter-dependent. Pushed everyone away, didn't know how to have a close relationship because I didn't know how long it would last...

Polyamory creates a lot of trust issues, but it gives you the tools you need to talk about them.

It is a breeding ground for insecurities, jealousy, inequality, fear and compersion.

Every time a difficult situation arose I used it as an opportunity for growth. Creating agreements, setting boundaries, and readjusting relationships. Loving logically.

Then I met my primary partner.

I am so entwined, my emotions get the best of me. Against my better judgment (I was mourning the loss of two relationships) I agreed to 2 years of monogamy and that was a death sentence to my newly formed Independence as I fell into old patterns.

4 years later we are both ready to open our relationship. It's an exciting phase for us, although I'd like it to be less emotional.

Has anyone else noticed this tendency towards anti-codependency in polyamory? Has it been a healthy experience for you and what have you done to move towards interdependence?