I've believed that for awhile, but today it really crystallized for me.

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My partner is still dating the somewhat disastrous person I mentioned about a month ago. On that front, I'll briefly say that he and I had a really great talk about what I will and will not do for the sake of his other relationship (basically, he agreed with everything I said, of course that's great! ;), and clarified everything else around their relationship. I feel reassured that - no matter how not-good a relationship this for him - I am not going to be dragged into it or expected to do extra emotional labor for her sake. Also, on the upside, we did go out with our mutual friends and that went really well. AND she had to come up here for work for a few days recently, and that also seemed to go well. Now, I haven't asked if it went as well as it appeared to go (the first time we hung out, it also seemed to go well, but Partner later told me that she was on the verge of a panic attack the whole time), because honestly, if it didn't, not my circus. They can deal with that. And lastly, it still continues to go semi-badly, with her having emotional blow-ups on a regular basis which are not abusive, but just make it screamingly obvious that her comfort level with polyamory is not increasing. And they can both deal with that too. Not me.

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Ha, so after starting off by writing that polyamory isn't all about relationships, here be some relationship stuff! Or, as a close friend of mine says, relationshit stuff. And is "I don't think you're having a relationship, I think you're having a relationshit".

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Anyways...

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I just fully realized that my polyamory is my current relationship with my partner and art. I've been doing art more lately, and I've slowly done some online classes or bought guides on how to do particular artistic techniques that also come with close support/communication with the artist teaching the technique for X amount of time, followed by sort of life-time "you can ask a question or two as it comes up" support.

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Recently, I saw an art weekend trip that looked very interesting, is located within bus distance to someone I know (and who has crashed at my place a number of times and I have an open invitation to crash with her), and has a base price that is very reasonable - so I thought "Why not go for it?". It'll make me happy, and if nothing else, it's going to be extremely visually stimulating, and I could possibly learn some new techniques.

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One of the best things about polyamory for me is that my experience of dating monogamously vs polyamorously is that most polyamorous people simply understand the concept of "not all of my free time is devoted to you" better than monogamous people. I had a number of monogamous relationships end because the other person didn't understand alone time, or art time, or even friend time beyond seeing friends once a month after asking permission if that was OK or only seeing friends together.

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Part of why I'm realizing this now is that over the past few years, I've recommended to a few friends that maybe polyamory would be for them, because although they craved intimacy and bonding, they couldn't give a partner the kind of relationship that many monogamous people expect. Some of these people were artists. Two were people who travel for jobs, and when they're job is going on, the job is pretty much all they can do (they both work in TV/movies, so when they're on site for a job, it's all about the job and/or depending on where filming is, reception may be limited). I saw a number of these people at Burning Man recently, and some of them have tried polyamory and are super-happy with it. Not because they want to date multiple people, but because they can balance their other passions in a way that works for them AND have relationships that feel intimate and great, even if those relationships aren't the traditional "come home to each other every day" type.

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It's worth noting that the friends who I mentioned polyamory to are people who I already knew weren't particularly jealous people or possessive people and mainly hadn't really thought of polyamory because "it's for people who are always dating a couple of people at once". One lovely guy in particular, I had to repeatedly sort of counsel that it really would be OK if he wasn't dating around. And he found a wonderful woman who had the attitude of "as long as we're both happy and feel good, I don't care if you're dating 10 people or just me". That kind of tickled me pink, because I've known this particular guy for years, and he's an absolutely wonderful person. But he goes where it work is, and is often gone for months at a time, so he's had an impossible time finding someone who is willing to deal with that long-term.

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For myself, right now, I simply do not have the emotional bandwidth to have additional serious relationships. And I'm at a place in my life where I have zero interest in hook-ups or even occasional make-outs with random people. Also, the part of me that loves art and has wanted to work on my own art more has felt far more starved than the part of me that craves relationships. Although I still hope that one day I'll have another serious primarily-friendship-based intimate relationship like I used to with my ex (or another romantic/sexual relationship, though that is not a prerequisite for me to have a deep connection with someone), right now, just having the time to play around with various materials when I have the energy really means a lot.

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If I have the time and energy for other relationships later, great. If something amazing with someone else lands is my lap, I can go for it. But even if I never have another polyamorous-type connection with another person, I'm still polyamorous. The potential is still there. And the idea that I can use that potential to explore whatever I want, be it people, or polymer clay, or other passions is the absolute best.

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edited for typos