I (31F) have been in a polyamorous relationship with my partner (38M) for almost three years and while I have been involved with at least one other person in the past, I’m about 3 months into a dilemma. Met this guy (25M) on a freelance gig who just was a good time, not poly but open to being involved with me and kind of knew my partner peripherally socially.

Things got sticky because the last six months of my life have kind of been hell— my partner and I going through personal shit related to his other partners, I personally had roommate drama and lost work so I haven’t been on my A game emotionally and with boundaries. I shared too much of how I was feeling about my whole life with this new guy and while we got super close, it triggered a big reaction from my partner, in part because I actually fell in love with him (first time being in love with two people!!) I’ve been all over the place and I know it, but I’m trying to navigate this as best as I can without feeling completely depressed about where I’ve made mistakes and the ways I’ve also let these two gentlemen have space in my brain.

So.. advice/feedback here I’m looking for 1. Given that this new person is not poly and I have been lucky enough to date people with experience, I’ve not asked as many questions and screened them about their sex life as well as I should. I asked them to test at the beginning, they obliged, but I didn’t get a full lay of the land of how many sex partners they have— just kind of assumed that condoms would be good enough but didn’t think about oral sex, stuff like that. What should I, as someone kind of new to loving two at the same time, be screening for in any potential relationship?

So many other thoughts going through my head but that’s the most pressing— ugh thank you all in advance.