We did, in fact, decide to divorce. It was as amicable as any of us could ask for. We all kind of felt it coming for a while, but it was just painful to finally hear. But I know it’s going to get better, none of us hates the other, nobody is resentful. Lots of crying and “I’m sorrys” from all of us. But this is for the best. Luckily we don’t have a lot of financial ties and we have no kids.

My advice to anyone about to enter a similar situation: PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU ARE MENTALLY OK ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS OUTCOME BEFORE YOU EVEN THINK OF MOVING IN WITH A META. IT SUCKS AND WILL END UP BEING ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS YOU’LL EVER DO.

Have a conversation about what could happen. It’s going to be hard, but it’s so so so so necessary. I didn’t know how to react, so I reacted poorly. If we would have had a conversation about this very possible outcome, I may have handled it better. But instead I just trusted that “no matter what I’ll have my wife.” But that might not be the case if you emotionally drain both your wife and your partner with your reaction to a breakup.

Poly and all forms of ENM are hard. It’s not for everyone. A lot of people get into it thinking it’s a fun experiment, but there’s so many feelings at play. Even if you think you’re emotionally mature on all other fronts, nothing can really prepare for separating from two people at once. Make sure you have friends or family because it’s an incredibly lonely feeling otherwise. And OBVIOUSLY, communicate. Don’t do it how I did it.