Well my first poly relationship ended and it's devastating. Lol she was new to poly didn't do the work and didn't know what she wanted out of it...it got too real and having two relationships on top of kt being LDR is a lot of work. I don't blame here, I sorta held her back and she held me back in ways...but we didn't do it on purpose.

I still learned a lot from her and she's amazing, she's been ENM I started my journey when we got together so yeah it was a lot...I've posted on here before and it was messy at first but we started ironing it out but yeah it's hard for her...she sees her pros and cons list all the time she's scared of hurting me...it's these really wholesome things and she's taken responsibility for treating me badly...she also did shitty things on her end and she took responsibility and I did shitty things and took responsibility.

Maybe it's not the end but for now it is and it's killer, I've known her my whole life and I think that's what makes it worse too...we were best friends and we want this so bad to work...when we are good we are great amazing...we created these safe spaces I learned to really lean into my queer side and learn so much about things...ugh my heart...I'm such hopeless romantic and wanna grieve with her but know that's too much to ask for ya know? Ugh we almost made it to our one year anniversary...sooo close!

Grieving sucks...it's painful...she is my person...we somehow were made for each in so many ways that we were also different and beautiful and I'm just high and crying but being from the heart...sigh was this poly experience the best one start not at all was it great no we never done it...it go real our dream of living closer got real and she got scared and a this stuff. I can go on...but it just means I have more work to do with this journey and understanding myself more.

I am a gushy lover boy...I'm cheesy...those hoodies with someone's initial and anniversary date?! Ugh please get one or let's do paired this relationship app thats wholesome and sweet or touch bond bracelets. Ugh I'm a lover boy and it's so lame and gay but I'm an over the top lover and when you date someone who just isn't about that it can suck..she's just a avoidant that'd all so it's hard...ugh but she's so wonderful and amazing and I love her. I love that y'all have had some amazing advise...are there people who are poly who love the cheesy lover boy lover girl stuff?? I love this ENM journey but I'm scared no one wants that...😥

TLDR: ME and my GF broke it was a lot and here I am heart broken and Grieving. She's amazing I'm amazing we both did our best and jn the end it didn't work out