I (56M) am coming off a stretch where my partner (38F) and I spent a reasonable amount of time together after a trip where we were together every day for five days. Since we returned from our trip, we had a couple of nights together before she left town to see friends. Her trip out of town was five days, and she was great about keeping in touch through text, and we talked on the phone twice. But since she returned, she has been busy with some work. She is a dancer and has an event where she is dancing with a poly friend. I will also be there, and at this time, it is still up in the air if she is driving to and from the event with her dance partner or me. I saw her yesterday to pay for the alterations on her dress, and we talked for a while and shared some beautiful kisses. I saw her again briefly last night before she went to work on her mask (we are attending a masquerade ball) with her dance partner. We have plans for a nice evening on Thursday, but we were tentatively scheduled for tonight (Wednesday), which didn't work because she and her dance partner needed to finish their masks.

None of the above was a surprise, and at this time of year, there are more dance events she needs to attend, and I understand and respect that. However, when I am under stress and alone, I feel my preoccupied attachment style rear its ugly head, and I begin feeling like I am losing her. My feeling is entirely unreasonable, and my partner has been great at letting me know when she gets home (we don't live together) and telling me that she cares and is thinking about me. And I have been able to self-soothe, and I recognize what is going on in me.

I cherish every moment we have together, and I am supportive of her in every way. I am also meeting my metamour at the masquerade ball, and I am excited about that. But I keep feeling like I need another day a week to see her to feel connected. Another issue is our sleep habits. I go to bed earlier, and with my job, I tend to be up and going fairly early in the day, while she is more of a night owl. So far, I have been stretching my bedtime out to make time for us, but she has very particular sleep habits, and even though we have slept in the same bed many times, I am on one side of the bed, and she the other with a sleep mask, white noise machine, and an elaborate matrix of pillows.

In many cases, she will get out of bed during the night to sleep on the couch if she feels like she is disturbing me or if she is disturbed. I am fine with this and support her doing what she needs to get rest, but it does make me sad since spontaneous wake-up sex is totally off the table, and I enjoy that. Also, on many of the occasions when we are together, I will lie in bed with her chatting, which is amazing, but I leave very late at night/early am so she can sleep. In those cases, I drive home tired and sleep alone when I would prefer to sleep at her place. As much as the sleep stuff is a challenge, it isn't the biggest issue, but it does prevent extended quality time between us.

At the moment, I have been dating some and have met some great women who are friends, but for a variety of reasons, those connections haven't turned into more. I am a member of a local poly group and attend get-togethers when I can, but I don't have anyone to see when my primary partner (if you could call her that) isn't available. I have an FWB, but she is even more avoidant than my primary, so many times when my dancer-partner is not available for me, I am alone. I am very good being alone, and it has been fine, but it highlights how busy my dancer-partner is and how few connections I have, which can also kick my anxious attachment style into high gear.

My question lies in the scheduling and availability for our relationship. My partner keeps a full schedule and identifies as avoidant in her attachment style. We have talked about how she is anxious about our bond strengthening and feels some stress since she has trepidations about creating a more secure bond with anyone. All of that is on the table, and I am here for it. The part I am struggling with is whether my needs are being met. Since we are in the busy season for dance, I haven't brought anything up, and I am very supportive of her schedule. But all of the side distractions, socializing, and other commitments that take time away from us are concerning. And sometimes, when she is available, she is tired and needs to rest, or if we do see each other, I feel like she isn't able to really be in the moment with me. I am not even considering ending the relationship at this point, but I am in a bit of a bind since her scheduling right now is crazy, and I knew that was coming. I have tried to schedule time for us to get out of town together, and I know she wants that, but getting her to commit to a block of time has also been challenging. I kind of feel like an accessory in her life, and that doesn't feel good. Any advice from the highly scheduled?