This is for kinky people who are also polyam or ENM (especially solo poly). I cross posted this to a BDSM advice subreddit too. Do any of struggle with fulfilling your kinky needs and desires with partners? I (F30) have been solo poly for a year now and I'm a submissive and little (although I think that's going away). I currently have two partners, both have nesting/anchor partners. I've been seeing one partner (M26) for almost a year now. It's been interesting and insightful for me because it's the first time I've been with a man consensually. I've been able to explore if I actually like men sexually (it hasn't been clear for me because of all my trauma). He's a switch so it's been fun helping him explore kink more and both of us trying things. It's even been cute to try my hand at domming even though it's not really my thing. My other partner (AFAB/NB31) and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. It's opened up a lot of stuff for me, trying out new kinks I've wanted to like more impact play, shibari and nipple clamps. They're an amazing dom. We each filled out a BDSM checklist and then they had me fill out a pamphlet they created. It was so thorough and helped me feel safe to sub in scenes with them.

So my only issue is that even with these two wonderful partners I've found, I still feel a bit unfulfilled as a sub because I've been unable to get some desires of mine met. Neither of my partners are into a couple of my kinks that I love and crave. I do have a little side (that's basically disappearing at this point) and I really enjoy ageplay (either dd/lg or md/lg). One of my partners is definitely not open to these kinds of kinks because of their own previous trauma and so I don't and won't bring it up to them. They do so much for me in other ways. My other partner just isn't enthusiastic about it.

Sometimes I get so lonely and pent up. Does anyone else deal with this? I've tried looking locally for a partner specifically to do this dynamic with me but no luck. Online dynamics just aren't fulfilling for me. My therapist and I have talked about this before so I'm already doing work on how to cope with some stuff. I'm looking for some advice or thoughts on this situation.