Hi everyone,

Having read More than Two (yes, I'm aware that book is now largely seen as problematic), the reasoning of "relationship hierarchies are bad because allowing a third party to rule over a relationship is essentially treating people as things" deeply resonated with me and the fact that I found non-hierarchical or completely unboundaried non-monogamy hard to unthinkable (at the time being) has been my most profound criticism of a concept I otherwise deeply resonate with. Thus, after my non-monogamous relationship failed a couple of years ago, I kind of buried the concept for myself.

Fast forward a couple of years later: I meet a great person who's starting non-monogamy. We're both excited and sceptical at the same time and give things a try. Due to (very) long-distance, we decide to be primaries and limit emotional involvement with other people for the time being. Works great so far.

However, I question where the fine line between okay discomfort and unacceptable torment lies for me and also what boundaries, rules and hierarchies are really ethical and pragmatic. Knowing that "More than two" is problematic and also that I feel like it tries to defend 100% hardcore polyamory makes me want to read up on the topic again.

Can you recommend any literature that puts an emphasis on the above-mentioned topic, also including a benevolent (but not blind) view on the possibilities and limitations of open relationships in contrast to polyamory?