I’ve (43) talked to a few people about this. Some who know both of us ( me and my gf) and some who know me. This weekend I have been disowned by my sister (41) and 21 year old born again Christian niece.

So some background. I have been with my gf (35) for a couple of years, I have been openly polyamorous/enm the whole time we were together. When she told me how she felt I was living with an ex (47m) and we were enm, and the end to that relationship is a whole other story. So for a while the only relationship I had was with here, even though I had a couple of close friends who are also at times fwb. She had met them all, some she doesn’t like, but hasn’t seemed to have an issue with me seeing them.

Recently one of my fwb and I grew closer, I talked to gf about it, it didn’t go as smoothly as I hoped but I thought we got to a point where we were good. she still had her time with me and I spent less time with other friends so bf (39) and I could have regular time together and not sacrifice time with her. I’m sure I didn’t get the balance right all the time, but I’ve tried really hard to reassure her that I love her and I’m not going anywhere and I’m in it with her for the long haul so to speak. She has insecurities so I do feel I spend a lot of time reassuring her, but sometimes it’s feels like I have to prove myself to her. That’s my issue to work through I guess.

I have a tendency to ramble so I’m trying my best to stick to the facts.

So this weekend after some horrible messages from sis to me and niece to my mum that seemed to come out of left field I found out that GF had ‘been hurting about BF, and so had talked to my sister’. She hasn’t given any more details because she doesn’t remember what she said. The message from niece to my mum included something very private that she had apparently ‘just found’ which considering her staunch Christian view points I can’t figure how she would have just ‘happened’ on the info. Mum and I had a very tearful Mother’s Day and while she is worried, she loves me and is trying to be supportive. And the niece called me disgusting in her message to Mum then blocked me on everything. I reached out to my sister (before knowing the gf had talked to her) and got some very nasty messages. I still don’t know how all this has happened.

My family has a bit of a habit of talking about issues with people other than the one they have the issue with. And apparently my gf does too, because she definitely said some things and a couple of people I’ve talked to who are completely objective said she clearly told my sister everything. My bf said she’s not as comfortable as she has said she is and is trying to cause problems between me and him. Which I think is a very valid thing for him to feel. My gf has gone behind my back before and talked to people which has led to issues for me and I thought, tried to think that she was trying to do her best for me. Now I’m not sure. I know that it’s important to talk feelings through with people but shouldn’t I have been the one she was talking to? Or perhaps she talks to someone who isn’t my sister. I know I’ve got hang ups about things being discussed about me behind my back, I’d rather someone clearly tells me if they have an issue with me. I also know that’s easier said than done. And I also know I’m an over thinker.

Summary: gf went behind my back talked to my sister and now my sister and her daughter have disowned me. They have more information about my private life that gf admits saying but I don’t know how else they could have found out.