Overview (2 different scenarios in one, bear with me) - I’m 27(GF) and he, Jack, is (27NB) - they’re very intelligent and emotionally aware from what I can see and are growth minded and actively pursue therapy - have been spending time with each other for 1-2 months now

Should I be worried or take a slight step back? The two main points I want to discuss are:

1) are they (we’ll call them Jack) being open minded or is this situation just conveniently for them?

2) Lunch with my meta (we’ll call her Jane) felt one sided

1) Are they being open minded or is this situation just not in the space for a similar type of commitment like they have with their spouse?

I’ve noticed that whenever I try to bring up the topic of are we dating or what not that the conversation, from their perspective, tends to look like “I don’t think we need labels” etc. That type of vibe. This bothers me because, I’d at least like to know your intentions so that I can set my own boundaries and not get my hopes up. They don’t strike me as someone who doesn’t take your feelings seriously and they are thoughtful. But, something about that just…confuses me. I get the whole, let’s define what polyamory looks like outside of mono-normative culture and language but holy hell. I feel like I’m on a speed boat and holding my walmart hat on for dear life 🤣

2) Lunch with my meta, Jane, felt one sided.

It was good other than the fact that I was the only one, really, interested in getting to know them and asking questions instead of the opposite. Like, if you’re carving out time to see the person your spouse is spending time with, wouldn’t you want to get to know them too? The more I think about it, the more I get upset and deeply bothered. I don’t want to assume their character or comfortability with me or to make a big deal out of it but ehhh. Just doesn’t sit right with me. I need various perspectives. I need Reddit lol.

Also…low key felt kind of weird. Like…the original plan was to spend time with their spouse at the museum but the meta had a free day I guess? I was uncomfortable at first but I’m trying to be more of an open minded person. It felt unnatural really. I don’t see myself becoming friends with them per say. At least not under these circumstances. I could also just be in my feeling mostly.

Anywho.

TLDR - (1) is Jack’s resistance to defining our relationship something I should be concerned about? How do I set boundaries where this is the case? Am I being too monogamy-minded here? (2) lunch with my meta, Jane, felt one sided. I was asking literally 98% of the questions. What does this say about her? It was pleasant for what it was but the more I think about that the more I wonder and question things.

Open to - - support (for sure) - advice - perspective