EDIT FOR UPDATE:

I did it. I told him it doesn’t make me feel special when he puts effort in for others and not me. And I feel like an asshole now because he was all like “well you said you liked my primal scent and thought I was hot in my glasses. And I thought you liked me as a person, not this superficial stuff. I feel like I can be myself around you, and I feel comfortable so I don’t put on a facade around you like I do with other people.”

All valid points. But still feel like he is missing THE point here. Or am I missing something?

Curious how others would feel about this.

My partner wore his contacts instead of his glasses, showered, did his hair etc for like the first three dates. Then, he stopped doing those things for me. Unless we are on a date in public where others will see him. I’m his primary, he sees me more than other people, and I’m glad he feels comfortable around me.

But he still wears his contacts, showers and gets done up for his other dates/hookups, even though they’re not new people; they’re just people he sees less frequently or meets just for sex/they don’t have a “do lots of things together” connection.

I don’t really care how he looks. But I do love that he can see me during sex if he wears his contacts. I love getting clean balls. And yes, I’m a little bitter that I don’t get this effort anymore. I also feel like there’s a double standard because as a female, there’s pressure to put effort I to these things. Even if he told me he doesn’t care if I smell, I would wash up before meeting him for a hookup.

How do you feel about this type of thing? Would it bother you if your partner only wanted to look hot for other people and not you?