I made a recent post about my relationship on this sub and if you read it you'll be familiar with some of this, but if not, I wanted to give some backstory and get completely new and fresh opinions on this relationship and what the fuck I'm doing. I am 26, female. I only came into the LS about 7 months ago. I started out as a single on dating apps, not looking for anything in particular. I met up with some single men, some couples. One of the men that I had been talking to invited me to a swinger house party one day. I didn't know anyone there but I thought, what the hell, I'll go and make new friends. I did end up going and was having a good time when someone offered me their weed pen, naturally I took a hit, or two, to blend in and look cool, right? Wrong. I didn't know how it would hit me. I hadn't been smoking that long so it made me extremely dizzy to the point that I felt like I was going to throw up. So here I am, the weird new single girl at the party and I'm stumbling behind the tree in the backyard to throw up. Whew. This is where I met Michael and Lana. They helped me back in the house, upstairs and into bed. I'm obviously sick and still high but starting to come back down to earth when they start getting flirty with me. Michael makes a comment about Lana hitting on me and I told her she could. Next thing I know, Lana and I are making out and then Michael is on top of me having sex with me while the homeowner is taking pictures of us with my phone. I hadn't even really realized he was there at the time. The homeowners wife comes up and sees everything happening and yells at us, saying she can't believe this is happening in her house, and I can only assume she thinks im being sexually assaulted at this point, and she tells us all to leave. I am still high enough that I can't drive and I tell Michael and Lana this, and they offer to take me home. I have no choice but to go at this point so I go home with them, we all sleep together and Michael drives me back to my car the next morning. I ended up having to go back to their house later that week because I left a pair of shoes, and we joke that I never left because we became really close after that and started dating only a couple months later. I found out after that first night that Michael and Lana are engaged, he is almost 49 and she is my age, 26, and that they started dating when she was just 19, after his wife left. Fast forward 5 months to now. In that time span, Lana and I drifted apart. We are no longer dating so it leaves her and I dating Michael. We have had some struggles getting along because I see the way she talks to him and the way she will start an argument even in front of me at times, and I sincerely find it difficult to support their relationship and engagement when Michael himself has told me of some of his doubts, not to mention his feelings towards marriage when asked included saying "it's just a piece of paper." He has started treating me differently when we are around her. Subtly, but different, including backing off of affection towards me so she does not become emotional or jealous. I get individual days with him but I do still have to see her one or two days a week, which is inevitable if I want to see Michael, so we make it work and I do my best to get along. To top all of the recent excitement off, Lana recently ended up getting pregnant by someone else she went on a play date with and got an abortion. I'm not here to debate, I am pro choice, but having been raised in a cult-like "christian" organization, it had always been drilled into my mind that abortion was wrong and I have worked hard to overcome that, but I still have had somewhat of an emotional reaction to the whole situation and mostly because it's just such a heavy thing to deal with. I asked her why she did it and she said "I did it for the things I hope to keep in my life right now." I know Michael told her he couldn't handle it if she kept the baby. So I've been emotional about it as well because I feel involved and invested in both of their feelings and this relationship. Now Michael and I have continued to have a great relationship throughout all of this. But im left with questions. I'm struggling to be okay with the age gap at 19 and 40/41. I'm struggling to be happy for them and with their relationship when I see the red flags, and I know that's my own problem to work on because it's not my relationship and i know i am overly invested. But am I okay if they go through with this and decide to get married, knowing I will never be equal? Do I care enough about being equal? Do I wait to see if they stay together? Would it even be right to stay with Michael if they separated? Is this all too much and should I leave now or is it worth it to stay and see where things go in the next few months? I truly want a discussion and questions to be asked because I'm at a loss. I'm talking it through with my therapist already, but I would love any further help from this community. Sorry for the absolute wall of text. I know Michael and I need to have a talk about this as well, maybe even all three of us. What is the best way to even go about talking about this or bringing this up?