Yesterday, my partner had a tentative date planned with someone in the late evening. I met up with him for about two hours before he was supposed to meet up with her.

For background, he claims I’m his primary and his priority. Anyway, when I was at his house, I expressed that I wanted sex, and he basically took his time making dinner and other stuff so we didn’t have time to have sex. We did snuggle for 20 mins, with me trying to turn him on but to no avail.

Then he told me that he might still go visit the other girl after I left.

I freaked out a bit. He had just been telling me how much he enjoys snuggling and is slightly concerned about his erectile health and his lack of a boner wasn’t about his attraction to me and more of a general physiological issue.

But then when he said he would still go visit the other girl, it made me feel rejected and undesired. It implied in my head that: - he doesn’t really have an erectile problem and it’s just me if he couldn’t get it up for me but could potentially go get it up for her and wasn’t willing to try getting it up for me - he doesn’t accommodate my needs as much as I accommodate his (I have a higher libido and want sex more than him, but I’m willing to snuggle when he doesn’t want sex but he doesn’t do sexual stuff to me when I want sex but his dick isn’t hard)

I’m fine with him fucking other people but don’t want to be turned down for sex when he is about to go have sex with someone else.

To remedy this problem, I suggested he not hang out with me on a day that he wants to fuck someone else. He said he would rather hang with me and doesn’t want the other date to affect our time. But it does affect our time together if he doesn’t have sex with me but then does with someone else within a few hours.

If it’s really just an erectile issue, I’m here to work on it with him. But if he could consider getting it up for someone else and not pleasuring me with other parts when he knows i want it, even if he can’t get it up, that makes me feel like sex with me is just unimportant to him.

I can’t decide if these feelings I have are valid “he isn’t meeting my needs” issues or just jealousy that someone else might get something I’m not getting. Just snuggling with him last night would have been fine if he wasn’t considering going to fuck someone else after.

I want to gain clarity and sort through the feelings that are mine before talking to him about it bc I don’t want to put stress on him for something that’s my responsibility to deal with.

Any wisdom/advice/insights?