I have been poly for a few years and recently met a partner who is also poly. This is the first time I’ve liked someone this much since becoming poly and We have communicated at length about what we want to know surrounding each other’s sexual and other romantic relationships.

At the beginning of the relationship, I knew he was having sex with other girls and it didn’t bother me. But we didn’t have an agreement to tell each other. Now that we do have that agreement, it bothers me so much.

He likes casual sex and variety. He likes to have sex with different people just because it’s fun for him.

I don’t have casual sex very often, and I prefer to have sex with partners im more deeply connected to. I would rather have two or three “serious” relationships than casual sex with anyone.

I also feel compersiom when I think about him with one of his other longer term partners, and he recently said he wants me to be his primary anyway. So I don’t feel threatened or less loved by him in any way.

But because I don’t relate to casual sex, it bugs the shit out of me that that’s what he would want from other women sometimes. It makes me create opinions about him that he is just a dumb, horny man, and he is not just a primal ape. He is really emotionally attuned to me and has a great heart and deep capacity to love.

Logically, the idea of him with other women doesn’t bother me though. I love letting him be who he is and i want the same from him.

He says casual sex makes him want me even more and all he can think about is me after he fucks someone else. Which makes me feel worse because I wouldnt want to be with a guy who thinks about someone else more strongly than me while he is intimate with me.

We are openly able to discuss these feelings, and I don’t want to stop him from being himself or even ask that he refrain from casual sex while we are setting the foundation of our relationship.

But how can I get more on board with his needs for casual sex? He already reassures me in all the ways you’d think would eliminate all my anxieties but it doesn’t feel like enough because my body just wants to cry or panic. And my arousal brakes are on because of this and I can’t even bring myself to feel sexual desire for him right now because of this.

My ego is also taking a punch and it sucks.

Any advice? I do a lot of reading and the philosophy of handling jealousy in poly relationships makes sense. But I can’t control these crazy anxious emotions in my body.