Me (22 they/he) and my partner (23 he/ze) have been struggling with communication and specifically me, making him feel safe in my other relationships.

We have talked very openly throughout our whole relationship about how to address these communication issues and I've taken responsibility when I have acted selfishly or misunderstood how he would like to be told about new relationships.

But I'm really struggling at the minute with feeling that despite my best efforts I just can't make zir feel safe. He's autistic and we both struggle with self esteem and trauma, so I understand his need for clarity and detail.

However it's got to the point where I feel I'm walking on eggshells and even seemingly small hiccups from my end (I mishandled how to discuss a new label with someone else and make my partner feel awkward) are taking their toll on him. It also really knocks my self esteem when I feel I can't "do things right".

And on his end, ze feels like he's told me over and over again what he needs from me and I'm still not meeting those needs. Hes also really worried about coming across as controlling and over sensitive.

We are both just very tired and frustrated that we want to make our poly dynamic work and are putting the effort in, but doesn't seem to be clicking into place.

This doesn't feel like a complete incompatibility of needs situation but it is draining. Has anyone else got experience of struggling to meet a partners poly needs?

Tia xx