It's currently 2:46 am and 'di ako makatulog so share kolang a very significant event sa life ko which really changed my outlook and gave a whole different meaning to the word "family". I also want to share some inspiration 'din sa iba who is afraid of coming out. Know that you are not obliged to come out. In due time you will find the courage to do so.

This is a lengthy read hehe so I hope you enjoy reading.

So this is the story of how I (23, M) came out to my parents and my whole family. Well, I wouldn't really call this one a coming out story because it happened all so effortlessly and so easy for me that I never had to "come out". Last year, I had one of the worst heartbreaks. I got cheated on by my first boyfriend which really took a toll on my mental health. Besides the breakup, I was also doing our thesis, studying for the final exams, was stressing about the graduation stuff and all other things. I had to really prioritize what needed to be done first so I mostly did not mind that I was heartbroken. A 5-minute breather from my thesis documentation is always a breakdown episode- full crying, non-stop. Then I'd wipe away my tears and continue doing my work. I had my examinations which I ended up crying the week after finals. I would cry every night. I would workout just to distract myself from the pain of that loss. I did not have friends at this time- like zero. I did not reach out to anyone. When all else failed, I called my mom.

The first call I had with my mom was the hardest, I had to tell her that I was not okay. I had to tell her that her eldest son got cheated on b a guy. It was a difficult time. I was crying and she was too. It was several nights din when I had to reach out to her because she was the only person who I thought did not judge me. She willingly listens to her gay son yap for almost 2 hours because it was his first time getting his heart broken by the boy he loved so much.

On the third night since I called my mom, an unexpected call came through. It was my papa. I was hesitant to take it up because I grew up thinking my dad was the straightest and toughest guy out there. I was wrong. I picked up the phone, and papa called. I still remember him asking me how I am, and how I am holding up. The words that never fail to escape my memory until now is how he said to me "baton ta ka ya koy, kabalo nako na ya" which translates to "tanggap kita kuya, matagal ko nang alam 'yan". That call lasted for only a couple of minutes, but I felt like there was this thorn that was ripped out from my heart for the first time in over how many years of it being lodged into my heart. To hear that from your father and how he was so gentle with his tone, like he was calling in such honesty and care, really warmed me up internally and made me feel like I was so cared for. From that day onwards, I became much closer to my parents. My 2 younger siblings also wasn't indifferent towards me. I came out first to my sibling who's 2 years younger than me, and now I am educating our bunso about gender stuff and being gentle and open to all kinds of people.

I wanted to share this story because recently, I came out to my religious grandma from my dad's side. I never thought she would be so open to the idea that her eldest apo is gay. I had social anxiety for the past year after that breakup and recently just started taking meds. I opened about this condition to my family in hopes that they would help me with my treatment. The moment I opened about this to my grandparents, they were so warm about it. I felt their empathy towards me and accepted me nonetheless. What's funny was the next day agad kami pumunta sa psychiatrist which was funded by my grandma.

I get reminded always that although I don't end up with good romantic relationships, the love that I am receiving from my family is so much that it overwhelms me to a point that it somehow heals some broken parts to me. They just don't know how much they are healing me through every kind thought of "kuya nakakain kana?" or "kuya did you take your meds na 'ba?". Or one time when my younger cousin said that they should spend more time with me so that I won't feel lonely 🥺

It breaks my heart to be mentally challenged because I want to be the best for them and for myself, but it also heals me how family can sometimes be so beautiful and intricate and so perfect that God knows the people that He puts in our lives. I read one qoute that said "God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need"- and looking around, I am surrounded by so many good people. He removed all the people who will not give me peace and surrounded me with people who brought me so much love and care.

In our community, I really hope we have these kinds of people- the ones who are good for us. Who will give us a space to be safe and secure. Who will provide us a home that is nurturing and warm. I thank God everyday for putting these specific people in my life and always ask Him what I did good in my past to deserve them. Kahit hindi lahat nag work out sakin, my family always got me and I feel like a rich man.

I know love exists because I am surrounded by it, and I am full of it. xoxo

tldr: storytime kung paano ako natanggap ng straight-religious conventional family ko hehe.