I started taking meds for my own good. This was the first time after how many months that I slept early. Waking up kanina, marami akong realizations that I long thought of, but all just sank in. I was the one who left for my peace, pero bakit parang ako 'yung natalo? Why am I the one suffering the consequences of his mistakes meanwhile he is out there living the time of his life (or so I think). I was lurking in one subreddit and read someone commented on one post that said: "kung sino pa gago sila masarap tulog", and it hit me. Kung sino pa yung nanggago sila pa ang masaya ngayon.

It also hit me how it's been a year already and I feel like I'm still in the same place as I was a year ago. I think I have progress naman pero bakit parang hindi ako umuusad. I've just started taking meds and I know it won't effect that fast. My therapist also said the most basic thing I was overanalyzing for the past months; to move on. I have to accept na they have already moved on and that I have to as well. I have to accept na baka 'di nga talaga ako minahal. I have to accept the reality that he cheated; he disrespected me; he did not value me, and a lot of other stuff.

I think I did do that last year, kaso ewan bakit parang I feel dumb this past few days. Maybe kasi nalaman ko na the guy he cheated on me with and him are already going a year into dating. Maybe I feel envious how 'di pako nakakahanap ng iba while he's out there loving someone else na.

Also gosh I'm still so young. This age should be spent on having fun. I should not deprive myself of happiness. I still have so much to look out for. Siguro I just need to be reminded that often.