I think I might have a personality or mood disorder. I’ve done some research but everything I look up I think he’s that’s me which can’t be true. I also have diagnosed autism and ADD (could potentially be false diagnoses)

I have:

A really addictive personality (from EDs to alcoholism etc)

Severe depression since I was 12 (I’m 20 now) I SH and have suicidal thoughts and antidepressants help a little but not enough

Used to have abandonment issues but I don’t think I have them anymore as I like to be alone

Sleep issues, either sleeping 13 hours or 2 hours that can last a week or so

Paranoia? Idk what to call it. I see and hear things sometimes and have done since I was like 6. Really scared to go into crowded spaces because of it. Even in my room I feel unsafe.

Crazy mood swings, I can be up one minute and down the next and hurt myself. Or I have weeks where I’m depressed and a few days where I’m ‘hypomanic?’

I also feel empty inside all the time. I find myself speeding when driving because of dissociating, or use substances just to feel something.

I feel like the whole world is out to get me, my friends don’t like me, my family hates me and I’m a burden

I have a hard time controlling my anger and have broken countless things, punched holes on walls, and had to be restrained many times by my dad.

I’ve seen countless therapists and psychiatrists the last 4 years but just seem to be getting worse even after rehab for alcohol.

I’m intelligent but struggle to study, don’t want to be in any relationships because of trauma and I like being alone. I like to be told I’ve done well for the smallest things and have very ‘all or nothing’ thinking.

Sorry for the rant I just hope someone can help.