I've been crushing on the guy who works at my gym for months.. & for the past several months I have been making excuses to talk to him. Like exercise related questions, or regarding my membership or whatever. But it never led to a conversation. He's quiet & soft spoken and I'm extremely shy around him. I try to go there when he's working and always say hi when I enter and bye when I leave; he smiles and says hi and bye back. So we acknowledge each other, but only when he's at the desk and I enter and leave. If we walk by each other inside the gym we don't say anything. I talk to some of his coworkers and make small talk with them all the time. They're much more talkative and outgoing and just easier to talk to than him. I've been admiring him from afar & checking him out when he's not looking, esp when he works out. He looks so strong and turns me on so much and when I get home I fantasize about sex with him while using my vibrator. I was in the middle of doing that last night when I realized that it's kinda creepy that I keep getting off to thoughts of sex with him but won't actually just talk to the guy irl.

I feel socially inept with men I'm attracted to. My heart races so fast and I forget how to think. I'm trying to work on ways to calm myself down. I never learned how to properly navigate a crush. So I guess my response to having these feelings isn't talking to and getting to know the person, but being shy in person and masturbating to thoughts of them privately. I'm embarrassed that this is how I handle it. A couple of weeks ago he seemed interested in talking to me & asked how I was. I didn't even reply to the question bc I was distracted with loud music playing in my ear and a heavy coat that I wanted to take off. I was afraid that he thought I was ignoring him. I figured I'd ask him how he is next time.. well the following time I was too shy, and the next several times he stepped away from the desk or wasn't there. I get so worked up about just fucking talking to him & asking how he is. I only have been able to talk to him when I had an excuse to do so. I'm very attracted to & intrigued by him, and he seems nice enough so far, but I barely know him. So instead of getting to know him to see if we'd vibe with one another or w/e, I don't talk to him irl unless I have an excuse and then go home & masturbate to thoughts of him fucking me.

Am I being creepy? I'm afraid this is just my response to having a crush. Idk how to flirt and am super shy when attracted to someone irl. I've only met guys from dating apps or while drunk at parties so I never learned to really socialize with and get to know someone before hooking up. I haven't crushed on anyone over an extended period of time since I was in high school.. & just like when I was a kid, I still get super nervous & scared to talk to guys I like so I just fantasize and admire from afar. I want to stop this. I feel like I'm being a bit of a weirdo.