I'm so numb

I don't have anything to look forward to, I barely have anyone around me to talk with. My boyfriend and my family but I need more than that and I hate saying that, like it somehow invalidates them and their place in my life.

My right arm has been in pain for nearly three months now, the doctor hasn't been able to diagnose it as of yet. Despite several tests.

Because of that I've been told not to return to work until my arm is recovered. My boss was generous enough to keep my insurance through to the end of this month but at this point they may as well just fire me so I can at least try and get unemployment in the meantime for SOME KIND of income.

I almost wish I could just cry, have a break down and move on. But tears don't fix anything, especially not my fucking arm.

I'm just so tired of applying to jobs and getting no where, I feel entirely useless and why shouldn't I? I can barely write with my left hand much less do anything else

And I know that no one will bother reading this anyways, because nothing I put into the world matters to anyone but Me. I know that nobody gives a shit