TLDR: my FWB other boyfriend has placed her in a situation to choose between him and me and using another relationship as leverage to do this

This has been posted elsewhere but looking for other opinions

The people Me (M48) My FWB (F45 called Mary) Mary's husband Jack (M45) Poly couple Ronan and Lisa (M47 F47)

Mary and Jack are very new to the lifestyle Roman and Lisa have been in the lifestyle for a number if years. I have been in the lifestyle for a number of years also

Back story I meet Mary around same time as Mary, Jack, Ronan and Lisa meet up. Jack, Ronan and Lisa all describe themselves as poly while me and Mary would describe ourselves as swingers where sexual connections are the main driver for us Me and Mary really clicked at a very deep level very quickly. Jack and Lisa developed a deep bond also. Mary and Ronan also start a relationship and I had deep compersion for Mary for this relationship. The only thing I ever asked was to know when they were meeting up so that I could give them the space to have time together

From discussions with Mary I got a sense that Ronan was not overly pleased with Mary's relationship with me. She also told me that Jack wasn't concerned and that he thinks that it won't be an issue and that Ronan will get used to it

The problem Roll onto last weekend and me and Mary had arranged a day to spend together. Two days before, Ronan was chatting with Mary and was not happy with this. From what I can gather he basically said that unless Mary prioritise her and his relationship for a month (by having no contact with me at all) that he would stop seeing her and also that the relationship between Lisa and Jack would have to stop as well. This put Mary into a mental spiral and ultimately had a panic atrack the following day trying to figure out what to do. Come the morning of when we were supposed to meet she told me that she has to do this for her husband but really does not want to. We both were really upset over this and there was alot of tears and emotion flying around. I was absolutely devastated by this and am really hurting now over it all and have so many conflicting emtions. Mary has said this is not what she wants to do but feels she has to for Jack because emotionally he had a extremely rough year and needs something good from this year

After taking sometime to try and process all of this I have said that I will agree to the pause for a month because my life is some more enriched by having Mary in it. We have been non contact for a few days since I said this to Mary so that she mentally reset herself which absolutely agree that she needs. I have been further processing and trying to manage my emotions and I am now wondering if this was the right move. I'm am really struggling with the non contact because I want to discuss things with Mary but cant

I really need some advice because I have so many conflicting emotions at the minute and cannot figure out what is best. I don't want to hurt Mary at all and have a hugh urge to protect her because I feel that Ronan is dictating her actions and really does not care for her I feel that even if everything gets sorted and everyone is happy that Ronan will pull this again and I am back where I am now