TL;DR: My wife and I experimented with an open relationship, but it ended when her boyfriend realized ENM wasn’t for him, and she decided she wasn’t comfortable with either of us having sex with others. Three months later, she still sees her ex-boyfriend regularly and struggles with lingering romantic feelings. I trust her and am relaxed about it, but my calmness irritates her since she’s less at ease. Am I too chill, or is this a normal way to feel?

Background:My wife and I went through a phase of opening up our relationship, but as soon as her 3-week boyfriend decided that polyamory or ENM wasn’t for him—he "doesn’t want to share"—we ended the open relationship phase. My wife also realized she wouldn’t be comfortable with me or him having sex with other women. Since I only had some sexting going on, I was fine with this relatively quickly and we quit ENM for now.

Now, three months later, she and her ex-boyfriend are still meeting once or twice a week. She has noticed that she isn’t able to emotionally and romantically detach from him. While she wants to let go of the romantic feelings, she doesn’t want to stop meeting him often.

My Feelings: I love her, I trust her, and I like her ex-boyfriend (we meet often too). I’m very relaxed about her meeting him, even though she has romantic feelings for him. I would like an open relationship, but I don’t want to lose her. At the same time, I don’t want to stand in her way if she realizes she doesn’t want our relationship anymore.

She says she’s happy that I trust her and am so relaxed about all this, but at the same time, it irritates her because she isn’t as calm about it as I am.

Note: We have great sex and are both happy in our relationship overall.

My Question: Am I too chill, or do you think it’s normal to feel so fine with all of this?