Sorry if this question is really long or misspelled (English is not my native tongue). And apologies for the maybe provocative title but please don’t judge immediately and read further. So me and my NP have been in a poly relationship for almost 4 years and it’s been great. It’s always been poly from the start. About a year into our relationship I developed strong feelings for one of my bi-curious friends, let’s call her Rachel. Around that time I threw a party, with no kinky intentions whatsoever. I also invited Rachel over. I knew she is not poly but a swinger and she was into my bf (she also kind of kicks on men that are already ‘taken’). However I never felt threatened by her because my bf is very good at making me feel secure. The evening took an unexpected spicy turn with toys, teasing, kissing and some oral here and there, but soon my other female friend Nina (who is mono/ single and comes from a much more prudent background) who was also present started to feel like she had enough and started to get uncomfortable. However, my boyfriend and Rachel (the only other two left at the party at this point) were clearly very much in the mood to take things a step further. Because I really didn’t want Nina to feel like I would overstep her boundaries as a friend, I proposed that Nina and I could go out to take the dog for a walk and I gave my boyfriend a very obvious wink and indicated that he wouldn’t mind keep Rachel company right? So I left them to it even though I would have loved to join, even if it was just to watch. Because Nina is mono she kept on asking me during our entire walk how I kept so calm and if I didn’t explode with jealousy. Though I found her questioning annoying I could honestly tell her that I didn’t feel that jealous because we think it’s totally fine to want to be intimate with others separate from each other. Though I admitted I did fantasize about them and it actually turned me on. When we came back my bf and Rachel were done with love making and my bf arranged an air mattress to sleep on for Nina in a different room (since they both lived a little far out they wanted to sleep over). Rachel asked me if she could sleep in our bed with me and my bf, which I agreed to and we snuggled all night which was really amazing but we had no sx. However, after she left I noticed I was really intrigued by how much I craved to be sxual with her. My bf kept Rachel at a distance after that despite her being into him, he didn’t want to give false hope especially since she’s more into swinging than poly so it wouldn’t work anyways. But over the course of several months I became more and more obsessed with Rachel. I got into a relationship with another girl some time after that and the NRE kept my thoughts of Rachel a bit on the background but after my breakup with that woman, the urge to see Rachel came back hitting me very hard. Now Rachel and I have been in frequent contact via video calls and I know she is interested in s*x with other women but she doesn’t feel romantically attracted to women. I decided to limit contact for a while in order to create more distance between us and for my attraction to hopefully diminish. About half a year ago though we got in contact again and she told me that she met her current partner who is into swinging just like her and he’s expressed an interest in having a foursome with Rachel, me and my bf. Their only rule is that they’re only intimate with others if both of them are present. We’ve met them a few times in neutral settings and there’s definitely no hostility whatsoever between the 4 of us. My bf is okay with the idea of a foursome with them but he’s a bit concerned if it would be the right thing to do for me as he knows I have certain feelings towards Rachel that are not reciprocated. I agree with him that this situation might be too complicated, especially since I’m really way more into Rachel than into her partner and it would feel a little like I would just be ‘taking one for the team’ to get to her in fact. And that makes me feel a bit awkward towards her bf. It’s not that I think he’s repulsive by any means but I’m also not really into him and with all the added complications I just feel like I’m agreeing to a foursome just because I really want to be with her, but I can’t because of their rule. And despite the fact that I still think I made the right choice years ago by not joining her and my bf, I’m afraid that if I don’t take this ‘opportunity’ I will start resenting my earlier decision to ‘miss out’ on the action even though I was extremely grateful for that experience and happy I chose my friend over the urge to be with Rachel. The frustrating thing is that from earlier experiences with swingers I know that this kind of obsession or tension I can have with someone often quickly dissipates after I’ve been intimate with them, as if the mystery surrounding it has gone and it can correct the overinflated image I have of someone, especially if there is no possibility of a relationship. I really tried to let it go, by limiting my contact with Rachel for years/ not following her social media and trying to be rational about it. But after 3 years she’s still on my mind. I know that even if we would be intimate, she will never be romantically interested in me. I just think that maybe if we would have a memory like that I could just enjoy the experience once, process it and leave it at that. I’ve told her I’m really into her as a person but I don’t expect this sentiment to be returned, though she doesn’t know my attraction goes to the extent that I’m still fantasizing about her every day. She seems to be flirting with me but I don’t think she’s taking any of it very serious. Sorry for the long story but I would really like to hear your advice, would you advice to not go through with the Quattro date? Or make any special precautions? Like questions we need to ask eachother? And if we should cancel, do you have any tips on how I can deal with the feeling of wanting someone impossible to get to and get rid of this pointless infatuation?