Tldr: I'm new to ENM and question of it is right for me at this stage of our long distance relationship and feel hurt and jellous and have no way to deal with it.

Me (28m) and my girlfriend (22f) have been together since 3 years years. Since three weeks we're slowly opening out relationship in stages. Phase 1 dating apps Phase 2 flirting and kissing on partys Phase 3 dating ONS Phase 4 fwb

We have been thinking about opening a bit since the start because I'm bisexual but due to one bad first experience I never really went to explore this side of me further. But I was too happy with our relationship to dig deper as this was the first time I felt mutual love.

She had a difficult relationship before me and had to learn that she could say no to me to sex if she didn't want it. What followed were longer periods of time without sex. Because of different universities most of our relationship was also long distance. So we didn't had a lot of opportunities aswell. I felt unsatisfied but I gave her the time to heal as I deeply love and want to care for her. That's when we talked about opening up again. In spring this year she though she could be asexual or demisexual. But again we didn't really went through with it. We were living together at that time and I wasn't so deep into ENM and poly theory. Then because of university again we got split up and I had to study somewhere else and are now in a long distance relationship again. But this summer something changed for her and she got comfortable with her looks and showing off. That attracted male attention. And three weeks ago she asked to open the relationship. I said yes as I've been listening to many ENM podcasts and have been browsing here for a while too. But I still came from a mindset of lacking.

Later she told me that immediately she she felt like having sex again she asked to open up the relationship. Which now still hurts because I'm still coming from a mindset of lacking and not getting enough of her. The long distance doesn't help with that. The first week was really rough for me as I've never expected to feel this jellous. We only had dating apps installed. I also questioned my bisexuality as most of the gay man were not my type and I felt creeped out. But I've found one cute guy that I like. She crushed immediately on one guy which devasted me. I though it would be with less emotions but more casual sex. But she always tried to show her love to me aswell and also paused the writing with him for our relationship. Which really built up trust again.

We've been on dating apps since and I also got to cuddle with a poly couple on a festival while my gf was out flirting. And she's on a one week trip in a campervan with a crush from another festival right now. She also wanted to cuddle with him but doesn't feel like it now. We haven't kissed around yet.

Currently she's also writing with a really dominant guy. But this guy warned her he only likes to have really hard and dominant sex. She said she would do things with him she doesn't like, like doggy style which hurts her. He also wanted to make a bet that if he could make her cum three times in one session he could have anal sex which she doesn't like.. I want to have hard sex and be more dominant too. She never liked it before. But now with this other guy she's really submissive in her chats. She showed screenshots to me as she wants to share everything.. It hurt reading it for the first time and still does when she wrote she likes to imagine being fucked by him. But some parts were kinda hot... When I asked why she didn't wanted to try it with me she said I didn't asked yet since her new found sex drive.. So she's kinda open to try something with me. But only if she's in the mood. But with him she seems to always be in the mood in the chats.. And really submissive which is so hot. She never was like that with me... I definetly have FOMO here.. She also says she's playing a role with him but fears he doesn't and really is like that. After a week she now also said she will probably not meet this guy as it's a bit werid. We also paused the intentions for dating since I've been so stressed with uni right now and have literally no time to date aswell..

Going back to relationship style: She also said she wouldn't want to go back into a long term mono relationship with me as she feels confined by that. Now I feel like I have to open with her even if I find out I'm more of a mono person. It's kinda like when you want to clean your room but then your mother says you should clean your room and then you don't want to anymore.. Idk..

She made me promise that I would break up with her if I can't take it anymore... I tried releasing control over her and be free but I'm too attached.. I've took down all her paintings she made for me and pictures. But it feels horrible..

I love her and am really jealous and envious of the new sex she wants to experience with other guys but she still doesn't want to do everything with me. Rationally I really like the concept of ENM. But am I really made for it? It hurt so much the last few weeks. I've been crying nearly everyday, but also because of stress in the university. I want to be happy for her if she has new experiences that she likes. And I also would love to go around and fuck other people while being in this awesome loving relationship as before.

Has anybody been in a similar situation? I have no one to talk to about ENM with experience. My friends are all mono or forever single and can't offer much advice.