This might be a bit all over the place but I’m trying to work through it all.

15 years married, mostly without sex. I have significant trauma and attachment issues and I finally concluded I am asexual. Partner has high libido, and after months of hard work we decided to open up for him to find sexual fulfillment outside the marriage. We are both in individual therapy and couple therapy. Up until these discussions started and really fucked with my attachment, I felt like I had made huge gains with my trauma.

So we move forward with opening up with a lot of communicating. After his first date I was very emotional and worried. We had a great chat processing all those feelings and we felt really close. I felt loved and heard and seen. After his second date I had similar feelings, but also questions. The more we talked about it and the more I pictured it, the more I was generally aroused. I think it’s a combination of jealousy (that’s MY man), feeling really closely connected to my partner, and having talked non stop about sex for days on end that had me turned on. That was three days ago and we’ve had sex every day since that time, sometimes more than once.

For the first time, we started talking deeply about desires, interests, we even considered meeting people together etc. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by all these new feelings, I generally have never felt that sudden urge/desire for sex until the past couple days.

I don’t particularly love the idea of him being with others still, I’ve always preferred it was just us, but am now feeling open to exploring WITH him. My worry is that I don’t want him to lose the relationships he has built with two new partners (one he hasn’t met yet, one just the two dates). I worry that I’m being selfish, or too co-dependent. I worry that my sex drive will crash and this isn’t sustainable. But ideally, I’d rather he didn’t have any other long term solo relationships. Am I being unfair?

I’d love to hear some thoughts if you got though this all. Thanks.