Honestly just curious.

I'm a 28F and have dabbled in poly/ENM for years. I'm interested in both casual and serious connections.

Something that's always slightly made me sad though, it feels like there's almost no "hookup culture" or even just casual dating culture for WLW.

I'm using hookup culture in parenthesis because I don't expect women to operate like men... Grindr-style where you order a hookup like Amazon Prime. I understand as women, we're more cautious about strangers, and want to ensure safety/comfortability.

But something I've noticed is, the only active "hookup culture" I notice around queer women seem to have men involved. Couples looking for a threesome, swingers clubs, poly couples looking for a unicorn, etc.

I've dated women for years, have had multiple relationships with women... but I've never had a female FWB that wasn't a package deal with a man. And I notice the same pattern with my platonic poly friends who are women, even though we've all had many male FWBs in the past.

While I have 0 interest in the way gay male "hookup culture" functions, it would be nice to experience a hot, lustful situation with a queer woman where a man isn't involved.

The majority of women I've hooked up have identified as heteroflexible or just curious. I rarely see queer women on apps only looking for casual. While I still enjoyed those experiences, I don't think I've ever been propositioned or hit on by a woman sexually who was actually queer. It's a strange world where more straight women hit on me than queer women.

Maybe it's because I'm femme and queer women mostly give that type of attention to women who are more masc-presenting? I'm also sober, and while I still enjoy LGBT bars/clubs occasionally, I don't want to hookup with someone while they're drunk.

Why do you personally think there's such a disconnect between male and female queer hookup culture?