I am in a male/male gay relationship. We have been together for a year and we are in an open relationship physically but emotionally we are each others primaries. Everything is great, but this one issue keeps us arguing a lot.

I don't like when he has sex with someone and it goes on long or aggressive enough that he complains he is "sore" and has no energy for me later. Sometimes he will say "I am going to see [insert regular partner here]" and looks at me suggestively. He knows (to save you specifics...) that I like sex with him after he's had sex with someone else. He knows this turns me on. But then he comes home and when I make advances he turns me away on occasion because he's too sore. This makes me feel like my partner just spent an hour douching and 30 to 45 min of transit time just to be with someone else over me. I don't feel like a primary anymore, but rather an alternative partner. Some people are ok with this, but that isn't what I personally signed up for.

I have told him before that I do not mind how much sex he has with others as long as he has the energy and capacity to have sex with me in the same day at the end of it all. If he, as bottom, is going to put in energy and time into douching and prepping, I would hope he would let his primary partner be the one to take most advantage. The tricky part is I prefer to be the last, not first, to top him. I tell him to pick his partners carefully and to not pick anyone who will go on too long or too hard for him, but he always says it "was just feeling the moment" that made him keep going.

I am not sure how to navigate this. I love the guy to death but I don't want to feel like just one lover among his many lovers. I want to be the one he finishes with and sleeps with at the end of the day. I told him this but maybe my expectations are too much. Maybe I am trying to have my cake and eat it too so-to-speak. Just trying to hash it out a bit.

Thanks for reading my random thoughts lol. I hope everyone is doing well 😁 This is my first real open relationship so I appreciate any advice anyone more experienced may have to give.