I've seen numerous posts within the last week or so about FWBs. Having a hard time finding a consistent FWB, people having sex then ghosting, finding a FWB then they lose interest and questioning "what's wrong with you." I wrote a few comments, but really thought this topic could use it's own post.

1st thing - REAL FWBs are actually pretty rare. As in, someone who is actually your friend, who will be there for you when times get tough, to lend a hand or emotional support... But who you also are having sex with, and are physically/sexually attracted to.

Basically, the formula is - you have to like someone enough, and have enough commonality in order to consistently enjoy their company outside the bedroom. BUT you also have to find them sexually/physically attractive enough to consistently enjoy them in the bedroom (also being sexually compatible). AND there has to be some glaring incompatibly you both agree on, that make you both not want a LTR.

AND this all has to be reciprocated on their end too.

It's easy to see how this is difficult to find, and rarely lasts. You're still looking for a form of a relationship, even if it's not a traditional one. You're only a few ingredients away from a (romantic) relationship... usually one or both parties will eventually either want romantic progression/a higher level of commitment... or will get bored and move on.

And the liklihood you'll find someone you have enough commonality with to make it work long-term, especially when most people on apps are swiping predominantly based on looks, is a crapshoot. Even being FWBs involves some level of common interest/personality type, which is more likely to happen via mutual friends or shared interest groups.

Basically, think about how many people you've had casual conversations with, and what % of those people turned into long-term friendships. Then add sex to the mix, and that's looking for a FWB.

And don't get me wrong, some people do intentionally lie/are decietful, knowing they don't actually want the same dynamic as you... But other times, they genuinely believe they want the same thing you do. It sounds good on paper, but then they're faced with the reality and it isn't what they imagined.

Or the novelty in the beginning made up for your lack of commonality/connection... but after it faded, they simply lost interest. They didn't realize they would, and now the other person feels used.

I only write this post to let people know who are asking "what's wrong with me" for not quickly finding this dynamic... Nothing's wrong with you.

I don't think real FWBs happen as often as people think they are, and especially long-term. What I see far more often is 1) a unequal situation where 1 person wants a fuck-buddy at their convenience, and the other 1 wants a relationship 2) a rebound scenario that's hot and heavy, but very short-lived, and 3) a comet situation (been fuck-buddies for years, but very inconsistently with maybe some friendship sprinkled on top.)

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I just truly don't think it happens as often as people think.