Fuck the spark and the typical woe-is-me attitude that permeates this sub, let's just have some fun, shall we?

I’m smart, I like to shoot the shit, and not be boring. I'm handsome, great smile, not overly buff, but well built and a little kinky for all you deviants out there lurking (I see you 👀) add im just a dash of quick wit and a big ol'… heart (I’m very compassionate). I have a dark sense of humor, so you better have one too—or at least be ready to clutch your pearls and pray to baby Jesus for redemption.

Still here? Okay, damn. I figured I'd have lost most potentially interested parties by now. Former partners have said I’m a Reddit "unicorn," while others have noted that I can be hard to read.

Here’s the rundown: I’m tall, athletic, over-educated, under-caffeinated, with a nice smile, nice arms, tasteful ink, a good wardrobe, and the ability to hold a conversation. I've got a sizeable one-eyed trouser snake and a solid dose of that mid-1990s Bill Clinton swag that’ll charm the pants off any intern or Reddit user. I’ll admit it—I’m hot, albeit begrudgingly. You won't be disappointed when we exchange pics.

So, here’s where you come in. We’re both married, both have kids, both have careers, and each has a stable—albeit tumultuous—relationship with our spouse (otherwise, why else would we be here?). I vibe best with someone who’s not a bad wife, but definitely needs more in her life. An attractive someone who craves a bit of attention, some flirtation, and a deeper connection if it naturally develops.

Ideally, you have all her teeth, no criminal record or outstanding warrants, no severe anger issues or undiagnosed mental illness (negotiable). Bonus points if youhave a body made for sin and a face card that never declines.

Here's some ice breakers to get the conversation going...

• What's your favorite part of the day?

• What book are you currently reading?

• What's your top song or artist?

• What's your most embarrassing secret? (promise I won't tell anyone)

• What are you most proud of?

• What are your worst traits?

• Where's somewhere you've always wanted to travel to?

• What's an experience you've always wanted to try? Or have deeply regret?

• What food do you hate the most?

• If you were dictator for a day, what would you do?