Im severely depressed, I hate nothing but the image of myself, my whole life has been a constant struggle in my mind, I've tried to ask for help but everyone says there's someone that's been through worse; I still don't know how to deal with my problems, I've even tried to talk to a social worker, but my mind is clouded from the pain, where everyone finds happiness and love within others, I find nothing but pain and misery within myself, i may be surrounded by a bunch of people in a room, or even at a party, but I truly feel alone, I would merely get drunk or smoke enough weed to quickly end off the night to escape my realization that I'm alienated from everyone around me, I have no connection with anyone or anything, my childhood was nothing but a struggle, Missing out on numerous things that other kids would easily get to experience, i still comes back to remind me. Even now, with a job to even give purpose, to fill the void that drags me back, would work and come home only to be reminded of what I lack in a normal life, my head is trapped in a cloud with a smoke machine I cant turn off, i have experienced nothing but neglect and pain from others, I wake up everyday wondering why I am even here and what influence I even bring but a constant reminder of the pain i contain, I wouldn't even want to be with myself, I wake up every day just to end up escaping my own reality by playing video games, even then the cracks of my flawed being seep through to remind me of the broken track that I am, I am damaged, my brain has developed to not think freely, but to be suppressed and just to survive I lack emotion from the burning inside, No girl would want to be with me as they would crack attempting to piece me together, I don't want help because I do not see a solution for it but to rid myself, knowing what I am, no person can help me get over this pain, it is all I've ever known, and I truly stand alone...