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I am depressed, anxious and suffer from increasingly crippling procrastination. Pretty much lifelong unhappiness with my social skills. Self-medicate with alcohol and of course, now an addict. Not really that bad and I have a plan for that but life keeps throwing stuff at me such as family issues. Not really happy about how the first 43 years of life went down and not too hopeful about the future anymore. BUT after more than a decade I shape up and make the call, time to get back into therapy again! š Get working, get help and actually try to change something. This is two years ago, the motivation to open up is not quite there but the decision is made. The phone rings. And immediate cuts. It rings again and immediately cuts, just a quick signal. Obvious system malfunctionā¦ But it is not a good time anyway so I just call them laterā¦ but I donāt.
A couple weeks ago I make the decision again since Iāve gotten worse and life is not too kind to me now, feels good! I show up at the booked time and the doors are closed, session in progress? I check with the reception and after looking through everything it turns out there is another system malfunction, my time was never booked. Super helpful and apologizing they set me up with a new time in a week, today. I wait for the call and it doesnāt come? Check my reminders and my stupid ass MIXED UP THE DAYS. It was yesterday and the anonymous number that called 3 times was not scam, it was my therapist. If my lazy ass could just have double-checked the datesā¦
Call to make yet another appointment. Reception is closed. Gotta wait.
Yeah, thatās it. Iām not asking any questions here. I have no purpose with this post. Itās just a vent, literally. Iām frustrated with it all and just had to type that out. Hope you are all doing ok. Iāll be around here a bit.
I feel your pain!
depression and anxiety sufferer myself. won the prize for best procrastinator in the world as well, so know that one. but don't be too hard on yourself. that will only bring more negative feelings, etc. i know its easy to say but it's true. lots of things have happened as well like the system malfunctions etc, so it wasn't you just going "i won't bother" also mixing the dates up, again you didn't go "i wont bother, i know its the date but not going to bother" you just mixed up the dates, easy thing to do.
hmm, well if pressure and goals actually got you doing stuff, then maybe they would have some use but if all they are doing now is making you feel crap if you don't get things done, then change is in order. no point doing something that keeps pulling you down, you wont get anywhere.
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well done thats a huge achievement, lot more than ive done today laying around, asking my odd questions and listening to judge judy! yes, dont put pressure on yourself, a member of staff at the supported housing I used to live in [I'm disabled] who used to work in mental health said something to the effect of don't say "i'll do this this this and this" because it puts pressure on you and makes you feel crap if you can't or don't get it done. so saying something like "I'll do what I feel I can cope with" and celebrating the positives is better.