I don’t really feel human. I don’t know how to describe it. I feel like I’m living life wrong. Not that I feel like there’s a specific way you should live life, but I feel like I’m missing something fundamental. It feels like I’m an alien living in a human body. It’s like I don’t know who I am. Like, am I just a collection of qualities? A mixture of things I do or don’t like? What makes someone human? What makes someone’s life worth living? I always feel like I’m heading off to check off the next item on my list. Like, I amount to little more than my experiences or my accomplishments. When I finish something, no matter how great or small, my response seems to be, “Okay, but why did I do that? What did I or anyone else get from that?” It feels like I’m on an unending loop of finding and accomplishing side quests in this big game of Life, without ever really doing anything worthwhile. But then I wonder, is anything even worthwhile? In the grand scheme of things, what gives anything its worth? Even if you subscribe to a religion, what is it that gives God’s plan worth? Just the fact that it’s God’s? I mean, does that mean that God doesn’t feel this way? As if He’s somewhat upset or disappointed that there’s no greater purpose out there than just existing? I get that “His ways are higher than our ways” or whatever, but it really makes me wonder how He could ever feel fulfilled if He can just do anything He wants at any time with no adversity whatsoever. I think that’s part of it. My feeling of purposelessness. How do you justify existing when you feel like you serve no purpose. Is it possible for me to just be satisfied with being alive? Sometimes I wonder.