I searched Reddit, and didn't see this topic anywhere else. I apologize if this is a duplicate thread.

And as a warning, this thread addresses one of the most unsavory physiologies of the human body. Do not eat immediately before, during, or immediately after reading or commenting on this. I apologize in advance for the nature of this thread.

To add a bit if a history, I have an extensive history of GI issues: Constipation, diarrhea, nausea, pain, swelling, the whole nine. At times, I would have these excruciating pains that would be severe enough to cause vomiting and impede with walking. Diet and exercise produced no change. Tests showed only "ulcers and inflammation." A doctor originally diagnosed me with IBS and put me on 40 mg/day of Nexium. I stayed on it for almost 2 years. The attacks reduced in frequency, but they still occurred. Then I lost my health insurance, so I stopped taking the Nexium. The attacks started again, and some doctors claimed I had gallstones (even though the symptoms don't fit), while others said that I don't have gallbladder issues at all. Then I saw a new doctor, who found that I had an h. pylori infection. She put me on doxycycline and an acid blocker. The attacks eventually stopped for a few months, but now they're back. I went to yet another doctor, and she wants me to do this kind of take-home stool test. Not the "card and smear" test. It's the test with the hat. (Note: link is NSFW.)

This test does not look pleasant, and I've never had this much apprehension with a medical test before. It's more of a repulsion, really. I am a very experienced patient, having undergone plenty of other tests. But I cannot get past this one.

I am embarrassed and disgusted. All I can imagine is this horrifying experience, fraught with gagging, dry heaving, and being scarred for life as I sift through my own fresh bowel movement and bottle it with a tiny, plastic corn fork. I would rather have another five colonoscopies than have to interact with a plastic bowl of my own waste.

I am so embarrassed that I am even having to do this. I'm actually tempted to use a throwaway account for this. In any other situation, I am able to just buckle down and get it done.

So, has anyone else had to do this? Was it has bad as I am imagining it to be? Do you have any tips or helpful hints? Help me out!

Also, as a side note, I have an underlying disease, and I am still in the process of getting a diagnosis for it. Doctors theorize that it may be a form of EDS. Possibly the vascular type. Do with that what you will.

Thank you for the help!