i’m so used to being lonely, even when there are people around me. as a child i believed my mom abandoned me with family members (which was not the case) and i was alone for 2 years with people that made my life hell. when i came back i was fat, tall and dark, people were mean and boys never even looked in my direction. over the years i’ve gained confidence but i get so attached to the happy feeling that comes with being with or even talking to someone, that i start to think of all the ways i can fuck it up or think that i’m bothering them or become too much for them and push them away. i love love, i love being in love, but i always get scared that it’ll be like middle school where it ends up being some cruel joke and they leave, or they get exhausted of me and leave