46 male. Today sucks. I very much dislike the world I live in. I miss the 90s. I was in college in the 90s (trust me, this is a bit more than a middle-aged man yearning for his youth). It really was a different existence then. Pre-smartphone. Pre-digital age. Pre-social media. The internet was a thing but it wasn't everything. People were of better quality, I feel. Social media and the anonymity of the internet have changed that. Online humanity is of a very low quality, I have found. I've even found myself guilty of it at times. Life just felt fuller in the 90s. Even women were different then. They were more fun, less ashamed of or offended by old-school femininity. Fuck, women still wore dresses then, and they knew exactly what they were doing by wearing them.

(sigh)

I'm sitting here at my desk, working from home, got music playing, got my cat here, got a cool place I recently painted, and I'm divorced as fuck and single. I should be happy. But I'm not. I feel disoriented and confused by the world, hopeless for the future (things in America are quite dismal just now), discouraged by the ratio between my income and the rising cost of living, and so lonely that I now have conversations with my cat in which he answers back... in a voice that sounds curiously like Eric Cartman??? Am I that insane????

This is not a good life. There is better out there, I know there is. There HAS to be. I feel like I don't have a place, I just have an obligation. I must get up and do this everyday in order for this unfulfilling experience to continue. Where is the exit? And most importantly, where is my partner in crime, a woman as distinctly old school as myself, who will exit with me? I could endure all the above if I had someone to spoon at night. That's the only battery that works for me.