I was going to start by saying my story is different, my LO is different, we’re different. But I suppose, in the end, that’s what we all tell ourselves. So instead, I’ll start by saying, this is my story.

The second time I met my LO she said to me “this could be the greatest love story ever told, but I will never leave my husband.” That should have been enough for me. For most, it would have been, but nonetheless, I was enamoured. With her, I had potential, someone that understood the torment and trauma of my mind.

Being with her, I was a better person. She saw through my bravado and knew just when to say something or when to leave me be. She held indescribable power in her touch which could calm my anxious mind or supercharge desire and need.

At the start of the year, she told me again that she wouldn’t leave her husband and broke contact. We’ve touched base now and again, mostly to check in and make sure the other is doing ok.Recently, she asked me if I was ok. I said no because I still held hope and that I couldn’t let her go. Her reply infuriated and inspired me, “Is it bad for you to hold on to that hope?”

She’s made it clear where I stand, but I can’t help but hope.