When I have an LO or a boyfriend I like to tell him about my breakthroughs and I'm truly hoping I don't make my new friend/crush into my new LO. He already exhibits avoidant behavior and I love talking to him 😱🙈🤣

Soooo, I was feeling anxious about him not responding to me, EVEN THOUGH I told him I wouldn't be available until I finished my step 3 with my sponsor (I'm in addiction recovery, are you surprised?? A limerent addict?!) So. I was still feeling anxiety like that he doesn't actually like me, I'm annoying, I'm fat & Terrible. Blah blah blah.

But ive been Working pretty hard on myself, shadow work type of stuff so I knew that something else was going on and so I sent this text to myself. And I wasn't sure who I could send it To so i'm posting it here. Maybe someone else will relate

"Im worried about someone not messaging me back. So I told myself I'm gonna look underneath that feeling and I found that underneath it is fear of abandonment. But if I'm afraid that my friends are going to abandon me then they aren't really my friends, right? That means that they must be liars and they don't mean the wonderful things they tell me or enjoy our time together.

Nope, I think that they are good people who would not abandon me. So, lets look underneath the fear again. Oh shit! I just don't trust mySELF. This is me self-soothing, self-respecting and i'm determined to learn to trust myself more. Love myself more. So I can live a fuller life, beyond a constant need for validation. I exist, so I am worthy."

Followed up by:

"This is also how I burden my relationships when its not necessary. When I have other things I could do with my time but my anxiety and fear that people are going to abandon me rules my every thought and action. Well, fuck that, I am doing something different now."